Gothic Sanctuary
by kitloveskat
Summary: Izzy is a teen in the foster care system living with Chief Swan and Bella Swan. What happens when Izzy and Alice fall for each other? normal pairings except Alice/Jasper. M for later chapters.
1. Prolouge

A/N: I do not own Alice, Bella, or any of Stephanie Meyer's creations... Izzy is my own character created in the depths of my mind. Gothic Sanctuary is a song by Nightwish, a very kick-ass band. You should listen to them. All chapter titles are titles of the band Nightwish's songs. Again, listen to them.

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**Prolouge:**

_If there was ever a thought to have, it was how human a vampire truly was. They say that vampires are perfect hunters, and humans are their perfect prey. There was simply nothing more satisfying that tracking down a human, making sure they didn't scream, playing with their very soul's regrets. It was always more fun to make them want you first. To make them beg for that first bite, when it is ecstasy for both hunter and hunted. But what happens when a vampire falls for its prey, when there is that weakness at heart, if a vampire could be said to have one? Would that make a vampire human? And if a vampire is simply a human with a disease, could it be possible to have a schizophrenic vampire?_

_I like to think of myself as a human with some sort of parasitic disorder, but the likelihood of that is minimal. As it is, I am a parasite for all uses of the word. I drink the blood of living creatures to sustain my life, if you could call it that. I barely know who I am, besides that I'm a vampire named Izzy._

_Most would wonder how to become a vampire. I've always wondered who would want to be one. The cons outweigh the pros. Living long past all your loved ones, having to kill to sustain your life, living in fear of being discovered for whom you are, having to be careful on how hard you touch something. Somehow, living forever and never sleeping seems to be little comfort. Sparkling in the sun is a relief. (I thought I would burn at first.)_

_I've only been a vampire for about ten years, although my body only screams sexy seventeen. I've kept a lot of secrets from my new family, even my beloved Alice. But, in my lifetime, the children of the night are the ones who bring the most light, and the best guarded secrets._

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	2. away

**A/N: I do not own Alice, Bella, or any of Stephanie Meyer's creations... Izzy is my own character created in the depths of my mind. Gothic Sanctuary is a song by Nightwish, a very kick-ass band. You should listen to them. All chapter titles are titles of the band Nightwish's songs. Again, listen to them.**

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**Chapter One: **_-away-_

It was my senior year and I was barely making it through the day. Being close to eighteen and in the foster care system, I didn't have a clue how I was going to manage after high school. It frightened me and gave me a lot more stress than anyone needs their senior year. I passed the ACTs with a 25, got an 81 on the ASVABS and I was planning on taking the SATs during the summer. That was, until I met the Cullens.

My first day at Forks High School and I didn't feel very welcome. I was in all advanced classes and no one talked to me. I wondered if it was because of the way I was dressed or the way I talked. I had a somewhat distinguished Romanian accent and I was wearing my Tripp pants, a long sleeved black shirt under a hello kitty t-shirt, combat boots, and my very short, very fuchsia hair done up in thick spikes.

_Small town, small minds,_ I thought, not smiling as I walked into the lunch room with Isabella Swan. I was staying with Bella and her father until I got out of foster care. He was kind enough to say I could stay until I graduated in June, which was far enough away seeing as it was October.

"That's where we're going to sit, Izzy," she said, pointing to a table in the far corner, away from everyone else. Bella smiled when she saw me watch the Cullens, although I didn't know who they were at the time, walk into the cafeteria and get in line.

I didn't grab too much to eat, just a Granny Smith Apple and fat-free milk. I didn't like food; it always turned sour in my mouth, like I just brushed my teeth or something. When I showed the lunch lady what I had gotten so Bella could pay for it, she called me Sanda, which irritated me. _Who on earth wants a weird Romanian name like Sanda Istrati. I may have been born there, but I'm an American at heart_, I thought. "Call me Izzy," I said out loud, forcing a smile on my face.

After Bella paid for our food, I followed her dutifully, eyes on the ground, occasionally peeking up to make sure I wasn't too far behind her. When we got to the table and sat down, I bit gently into my apple, enjoying the feel of the bite. My eyes closed and I let myself relax into the taste of the apple.

"Must be a tasty apple," a very light, very not Bella voice said, causing my eyes to snap open. Sitting across from me was one of the Cullens, the short one with hair about the same length as mine, done up in exactly the same way, every spike was in the same place. I didn't know whether I should have smiled or stared, so I stared.

She was smiling and I was pretending not to notice how pretty she was. "You must be Sanda Istrati, the new girl that's the buzz of the school. I'm Alice Cullen," she remarked, playing with her food. It was then that I notice that the other Cullens were sitting around me, most of them at the other end, chatting with Bella. Only Alice seemed to be sitting by me.

I put down my apple and blinked as she rattled off the names of her siblings. _Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Edward_. Edward was Bella's boyfriend. It took me a bit to realize she was asking me how I liked Forks. "Umm," I started, but stopped myself. I didn't really have too much of an opinion. She just kept smiling; even her topaz eyes were twinkling.

"Why don't we go outside? It's cloudy but it's not going to rain," Alice said, although I could tell it wasn't really a question. So I followed her, dumping my entire tray in the trash, distracted as I was.

As Alice led me outside, I looked back at Isabella. A chill ran down my spine when I realized they were all staring at me blankly, with the exception of Bella, who had a look of curiosity on her face.

"Come on, Izzy, hurry up," Alice called, grabbing my wrist and tugging me towards the door. Even through my shirt her skin was shockingly cold.

I put on my 100% UV protective sunglasses before we left the building, despite it being slightly misty with complete cloud cover. Welcome to Forks, place of no sun, I thought apathetically. I noticed Alice gave me a look when I put on my shades, but I ignored it, choosing to instead look at her hair, wondering how we ended up getting it the exact same.

"So, Izzy, how's your first day going?," Alice asked, seemingly innocently. I sensed something was up with the question, so I had to answer cryptically.

"Well," I started, adjusting my sunglasses while we walked to the shade and shelter of a nearby tree. It wasn't until she took off her very pretty dark denim jacket that I noticed what she was wearing, a black tank top with a gold necklace that dipped between her breasts, hip hugging jeans with a brilliant black leather studded belt, and really expensive looking ballet slippers. I couldn't help but stare at the emerald stone in her necklace because it was the exact shade of my eyes.

"Izzy? My eyes are up here," I heard Alice say softly. My breath caught in my throat and I blushed, the blood rushing to my cheeks. With my olive complexion, blushing was normally hard to show, but I could tell I was blushing bad.

I looked up and noticed that her eyes had changed from a nicely colored topaz to a deep onyx. We leaned against the tree, staring at the cafeteria. I coughed, trying hard to stop blushing. "Sorry," I mumbled, fiddling with the chains on my pants. "Your necklace is just so pretty… I didn't mean to stare." _Gods, I sound stupid_, I thought. _That you do._

To my surprise, Alice just laughed. "It's okay, Izzy, it happens. Just don't let anyone here catch you staring at their jewelry like that, it might make them think you're into them," she said, right before the bell rang for the next class.

I smiled my first genuine smile since getting transferred to the Chief's house. "I think I have AP calculus next," I said, looking at my schedule. "Could you tell me how to get to the building?"

Alice laughed again, grabbing my hand in lieu of an answer. Her skin was hard and sure, but yet also soft and comforting. I blushed again. "Better, I have that class too. They switched me out of Trig for some reason last week," she said, leading the way to class. All was going well, until someone bumped into me and I got knocked into Alice.

Alice did catch me, but unfortunately my glasses fell off my face and I had to scrunch up my eyes and hide behind my hands. It didn't block the light that was putting me into agonizing pain, making me gasp and hold my breath, trying hard not to cry. _Loser._

I didn't realize I was being guided to the nearest building until I noticed I was being pushed into a chair. Cold hands that were gentle but firm forced my hands away from my face. "Izzy, are you all right," a voice asked, sounding a lot like Bella. "You're inside, you can open you're eyes."

I did, slowly to make sure I wasn't being lied to. I sighed in relief when I was welcomed with only the flickering lights of the main office. However, I immediately regretted opening them, wishing I was back elsewhere. Alice and Bella were looking at me with twin faces of worry and concern.

I groaned and hid behind my hands again. "Sanda, do you want to go home early," the very kind, very unnerving receptionist asked from behind her desk. I started to shake my head, but Alice intervened.

"I think you should, Izzy," she stated, digging through her purse for something. "I'll drive you." Bella gave her an odd look

"I should drive her," Bella put in. "We live in the same place, after all." Alice would hear none of it.

"Yes, but my windows are tinted to block out sunlight. I knew it was a good idea to drive by myself today," Alice said, pulling out her keys and gently helping me up. "Besides, I have an appointment today, so my leaving early won't affect my school schedule."

Bella sighed, but seemed to give up. The way it sounded, Alice often won. I didn't give myself too much time to dwell on it, partially because I was being whisked out of the office and handed my shades. "Photosensitive," Alice asked, pausing while I put them on. I just nodded, wondering why she was driving me home, despite just meeting me. _Watch out, you might actually fall in love_, snickered the voice dwelling inside my head.

I was about to ask her just that when she said "Bella told us about your arrival. Being in the foster care system won't let you have too many friends. I'm just trying to be friendly."

"Oh," I said softly, stopping when I was at the passenger side of her car and started paying attention to her vehicle. I knew more about dirt-bikes and motorcycles than I knew about cars, but I could tell this one was expensive. Alice laughed again when she saw my expression.

"It's just a car, get in," she said, opening the door for me and shutting it. I buckled, not wanting to risk what happened before. Alice climbed in and started the engine, pulling out of the parking spot and speeding out of the lot. "Do you mind if we swing by my place first? I need to grab a couple of things," Alice asked, her voice itself almost distracting me from her words. It was very light, symphonic, and alluring. _Always want what you can't touch, huh?_

"Umm, no," I said almost too late, blushing again. It was then that I realized she wasn't wearing her seat belt. "Buckle up, Alice! If we crash you'll get seriously injured," I shouted, starting to reach over to buckle her myself.

Alice gently took my hands and placed them, folded, into my lap and buckled up. I relaxed a bit, but I couldn't help but stare at her. She was very pretty and she was just the right size for me. Since I was about five foot three inches, I guessed she was about five foot two or five foot three as well, maybe five foot four. It was the perfect time for me to ask about her, and I was about to start, but again Alice began talking.

We passed the Chief's house and kept going, and I was yet again about to say something about it when she asked me the question I had been dreading. "So, how did you wind up in the foster care system?"

I didn't think it was any of her business and I was going to say that, honestly I was. But what came out of my mouth was "my dad killed my mom and tried to kill me by crashing our car into a semi when I was younger. Something hit my head and I passed out. When I woke up I was in a hospital and I started screaming because I was in a lot of pain that I somehow associated with the light. Turns out the flying bit of debris that hit me did something to my mind and made me photosensitive. Few days later I was released into the system. My mom was literally decapitated from the crash and my dad was sent to jail." _Wow, now see if she asks if you like girls. I want to see how that one plans out for you._

I didn't mean to tell her that, and it wasn't until she handed me a tissue that I realized I was crying. I wiped my eyes and blew my nose, looking out the window to prevent myself from looking at her. I didn't want to see Alice's looks of pity.

To my surprise, she didn't say anything. She just continued to drive for a bit longer until we pulled into the driveway of a very big house.


	3. feel for you

**A/N and Disclaimer**: I do not own Alice, Bella, or any of Stephanie Meyer's creations... Izzy is my own character created in the depths of my mind. Gothic Sanctuary is a song by Nightwish, a very kick-ass band. You should listen to them. All chapter titles are titles of the band Nightwish's songs. Again, listen to them.

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**Recap:**_** "My dad killed my mom and tried to kill me by crashing our car into a semi when I was younger. Something hit my head and I passed out. When I woke up I was in a hospital and I started screaming because I was in a lot of pain that I somehow associated with the light. Turns out the flying bit of debris that hit me did something to my mind and made me photosensitive. Few days later I was released into the system. My mom was literally decapitated from the crash and my dad was sent to jail. Wow, now see if she asks if you like girls. I want to see how that one pans out for you.**_

_**I didn't mean to tell her that, and it wasn't until she handed me a tissue that I realized I was crying. I wiped my eyes and blew my nose, looking out the window to prevent myself from looking at her. I didn't want to see Alice s looks of pity.**_

_**To my surprise, she didn't say anything. She just continued to drive for a bit longer until we pulled into the driveway of a very big house.**_

**Chapter two**: -_feel for you_-

Alice turned off the car. "I'll just be a minute, Izzy," she said, pocketing her keys as she gracefully exited the vehicle. It hit me right then that I had never told her to call me Izzy. _Maybe she heard Bella calling me that_, I thought, trying not to dwell on it. _But wow, she's pretty. I wonder if she's single_.

_**If she is, you wouldn't be her type. She probably likes dick, not pussy.**_ I brought my knees up and hugged them, ignoring the voice inside my head in vain. _**Even if she were into girls, we both know you wouldn't stand a chance. Who wants to date someone with a voice inside her head?**_

_Shut up_, I retorted, knowing full well it wouldn't. It couldn't.

_**Damn well I won't, someone has to be the voice of reason here**_.

_Reason_, I scoffed. _If it's reason that you think you're here, than you are sadly mistaken. You're here because the very same crash that gave me photosensitivity cursed me with you!_

_**Fucking cunt. That's what I get for trying to be helpful!**_

_Helpful? Now you're helpful?_

_**Better watch it Sanda, and your precious Alice is coming back. Wouldn't want her thinking your crazy, would you? Muttering beneath your breath like a crazy person?**_ I hadn't realized I was talking out loud.

I hit my head gently on my knees, getting untangled from my self-embrace because, sure enough, Alice was knocking on my window. She smiled as she opened the door, her eyes back to their original topaz. They were still captivating.

"Come on in for a minute, Izzy," she said, waiting patiently as I unbuckled. "My mother wants to meet you." Alice helped me out of her car and shut the door behind me. We started the walk to her front door.

"Why does she want to meet me?" I asked. "I haven't done anything wrong, have I?" Alice shook her head.

"Oh, no, nothing bad. My siblings and I were adopted by Esme. We use to be foster kids under her care, but she just felt so bad that we had no family; she took us under her wing. You won't meet Carlisle, my dad. He works in the hospital during the day," she replied, pausing at the door for a moment. "She's very compassionate." The way Alice said that, it sounded she was warning me about something.

I realized what she meant when she opened her door and I was assailed by a very beautiful woman. I was smothered with a hug and I felt very awkward. I hadn't been hugged like that since my mom was alive. Alice smiled apologetically as I glared at her.

I was soon released by the hug I didn't need and didn't want. "Alice told me what happened to you, poor dear," the woman I assumed to be Esme said. This didn't help Alice's case. "I can't imagine what it's like for you, traveling about, having no family." I desperately wanted to return to the car, or hide under a rock. I hated it when people went on and on about how my life was bad. I knew it was. Why did they have to keep bringing it up?

"Anyway, we're having a small family bonfire this Friday. Bella is invited, and now, so are you. Are you interested, dear?" I didn't want to intrude, but I also felt as though something were up. _Am I being taken pity upon because I'm, for all purposes of the word, an orphan? Or was there something else?_ I had only been in Forks for maybe three days, and suddenly people I never met before wanted me to hang out with them. It was very suspicious, but paranoia was my best friend and ally.

"Gee, I'd love to, but I promised the Chief that I wouldn't be out late," I said slowly, hoping my excuse would fly. It didn't.

Alice stepped in. "Nonsense. You'll be with us. Charlie always lets Bella over, so I don't see why he wouldn't let you," she said, and I felt as though arguing would be futile. So I sighed and relented, nodding my consent.

Alice smiled and I noticed she had changed. She was now wearing a very sexy mini-skirt and a long-sleeved peasant shirt. I wondered why she switched her clothes.

"I need to get back to the Chief's house. School may not be out for a few more hours, but I want to do my homework before I make dinner tonight," I said, slowly backing back to the door.

Alice nodded. "I need to get to my appointment too. See ya later Mom," she called out, pulling me out the door with her. She still felt cold, but I discarded that. She could have some sort of circulatory problem and I didn't want to bother her with questions.

I sat in silence in the car, vaguely listening to Alice. I didn't want Bella to feel as though I were taking her friend away from her, but I also didn't want to miss out on having Alice as a friend. It had happened before. The only time I had ever bothered making a friend, one of the other foster kids threw a fit and I just let it go. People were never worth the trouble of a dangerous home life.

When Alice dropped me off at Bella's house, she asked me a very odd question. "Izzy," she started, "how do you feel about this?" I didn't know if she meant my situation, or her mother randomly inviting me to a bonfire.

I answered her as truthfully as I could. "I don't know, Alice. I just met you. I just got here. I don't know why you and your mom are being so nice to me. I haven't done anything to deserve it," I said, as quietly and as gently as I could.

Alice smiled when I looked up at her. "I meant me driving you home. I can even pick you up in the morning. Edward normally drives Bella, but she didn't want you to feel like the third wheel," she said, and I could swear my heart stopped at her words.

When I said "I'd like that very much", that's when I had no choice but to smile, get out, close the door, and manage to make my way to the house. _**Good going! You got her thinking you're worth something.**_ The voice in my head, for once, was being a bit nice.

A few hours later, after I cooked a lovely meal of rice-balls and meat-free eggrolls (and it was eaten so fast it was almost like it was never there), Bella asked if I could help her clean up. Of course I was going to help clean up. I made the mess. Never-the-less, I nodded and took the Chief's plate. He smiled at me and went to go watch whatever sport the television was playing.

I knew something was up with Bella, so I decided to get right to the point. "So, what is this about? If it's the Alice thing, I won't be her friend if you don't want me to. I went this long without anyone and I'm sure I can go longer," I said, bracing myself for her answer. I felt bad for my voice being so harsh, especially since I didn't mean for it to come out that way.

Bella shook her head and began washing the dishes, motioning for me to dry and put away. "I want you to have friends. I just don't think you should be hanging around Alice alone," she said, washing the cup I had used.

I laughed. "What is she going to do that could possibly be worse than what I've already gone through, Bella? Can she take away everything precious to me? Break the heart I don't have? Kill me?" I knew that I had crossed the line with her when Bella slammed down the cup and turned towards me.

"First of all, you do have a heart. Second of all, there are things you aren't even aware of in this world, Izzy. I want you to be safe," Bella almost growled the words. I couldn't believe it.

"Safe? Why is everyone suddenly worried about my safety? I'm fine. No one and nothing is going to hurt me, Bella. I can almost guarantee it. I'm a nobody in the system," I muttered, putting down the towel I had been holding. "Thanks for your concern, but I'm sure I can handle Alice. Besides, I kinda like her."

Before I could turn and walk away from Bella, she softened her expression and did a sad smile. "Izzy, if you want to be with her, than be with her. I can tell you two have something going on, and I'm glad she likes you and that you like her. I'm good at telling when people should be together. I just want you to be careful, okay?"

I froze. _Alice likes me?_ _What?_ _**Yeah, I can't believe it either**__**.**_ _It can't be true._ "She likes me?" I stammered, staring at Bella in disbelief. "Like, like likes me?" _Someone I just met likes me. A girl likes me. A girl I have a crush on likes me._

Bella nodded. "Yeah, everyone could tell." Am I just that oblivious than? "Alice normally doesn't offer to drive anyone home. Jasper, her brother, always hoped she would find someone, especially since he's one of those obvious gays. We just didn't expect it to be you." She lost me there. She also made it sound like I had some sort of defect, which I most certainly did not. _**If you don't count me, that is.**_

"What's wrong with me?" _**Besides the obvious?**_

"Let's just say we didn't think you would be her type," Bella said as she smiled cryptically, returning to the dishes. I sighed and gave up, heading up to the room I was given to use.


	4. astral romance

**A/N and Disclaimer**: I do not own Alice, Bella, or any of Stephanie Meyer's creations... Izzy is my own character created in the depths of my mind. Gothic Sanctuary is a song by Nightwish, a very kick-ass band. You should listen to them. All chapter titles are titles of the band Nightwish's songs. Again, listen to them. By the way, everyone in this story has personalities according to how I'll use them later on. My editor has been commenting on the change in personality. Alice is the same because she is perfect in my eyes. Everyone else needed a slight make-over.

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**Recap:** _**I froze. **_**Alice likes me?****What**_**?**__Yeah, I can't believe it either__**.**_**It can't be true.**_**"She likes me?" I stammered, staring at Bella in disbelief. "Like, like likes me?" **_**Someone I just met likes me. A girl likes me. A girl I have a crush on likes me.**

_**Bella nodded. "Yeah, everyone could tell." Am I just that oblivious then? "Alice normally doesn't offer to drive anyone home. Jasper, her brother, always hoped she would find someone, especially since he's one of those obvious gays. We just didn't expect it to be you." She lost me there. She also made it sound like I had some sort of defect, which I most certainly did not. **__If you don't count me, that is._

"_**Is it because we just met? Is there something wrong with me?" **__Besides the obvious?_

"_**Let's just say we didn't think you would be her type," Bella said as she smiled cryptically, returning to the dishes. I sighed and gave up, heading up to the room I was given to use.**_

**Chapter three**: -_astral romance_-

I dropped onto the bed and just stared at the ceiling, not bothering to take off my shoes. My hair made my head uncomfortable, but I didn't care. I was trying to focus on what Bella had said to me. Surprisingly enough, there was complete silence in my head. I soon gave up and got my pajamas together; a very comfortable pair of boy pj bottoms and a black tank top.

After I got the all clear from the Chief and Bella, I headed to the bathroom to turn on the water to get it hot for a shower. Then I went back to my bedroom and retrieved my clothes.

The shower was just what I needed. It loosened the knots in my back and caressed my skin like a long-forgotten lover. It cleared my mind so I was able to think straight and it gave me a chance to run my fingers over the still healing bruises from my last home. My fingers brushed against the ever-healing scar I had from the crash, the only physical sign it happened. It was thick and ropy, curving from the side of my right breast to my ass. It was the reason I could never wear a bikini.

After my shower I rubbed myself dry with the towel and slipped into my clothes, yelling out that I was going to go to bed. I didn't sleep though. I ended up dragging out my copy of _Speak_. It was sad and yet I couldn't help but read it repeatedly. It was almost insane.

At around three, however, I ended up marking my place in the book and turning in, tired beyond belief. My last thoughts before the darkness of sleep came over me were of Alice.

I woke up at five and began getting ready for the day. I changed into the only bra I owned that wasn't black, because it was covered in rainbows, a pair of old jeans that were too big, and an old Evanescence t-shirt. I thought it was going to be a bit chilly so I grabbed my only sweatshirt and tied it around my waist, slipping on my boots and socks and heading downstairs to figure out what to make for breakfast.

Bella told me the night I had arrived that she normally cooked, so just to go against that, I decided the first few weeks I was there I would. It was throwing her off, which made me feel very accomplished. I didn't like conflict, but when helping someone meant making them crazy, I jumped at the chance.

There wasn't much for me to make. I ended up settling on a rip-off McDonald's breakfast; egg muffins, hash browns, and breakfast burritos made from scratch. It took about forty five minutes to do. It was finished just in time for the Chief to grab some before he took off for work and plenty of time for it to get cold waiting for Bella, but I made sure some of it was kept warm in the oven for her. Nuking things was just abominable.

Because I had about ten or fifteen minutes until Alice showed up, I pulled out my Calculus book to double check my answers.

**cosx=∑n=0 ∞\frac(-1)nx2n(2n)! **

Thankfully Bella came down and I didn't need to look over them again. I knew they were right anyway. I always understood equations, people were harder.

"Morning, Izzy," she said, her hair messy and not quite brushed. She was still in her

PJ's. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. I had decided to leave it down and throw a random red bow in it.

"Good Morning, Bella. How did you sleep?" I asked, our morning ritual begun. We've answered the same since I arrived on Saturday.

"I slept fine. I dreamt about Edward, dreamt about life," she commented, returning my question.

"This and that, in fact, I think I actually dreamt about that and this," I laughed, mixing it up a little. We got along pretty well and she treated me like the sister she never had. I appreciated it, it made me feel welcomed. I noticed she immediately went to the oven to get her food. Already, she knew where to find her breakfast.

Just then the doorbell rang and I stuffed my textbook into my bag and rushed to answer it. I thought it would be Alice, but instead, some tall, Indian looking fellow was standing at the door. Without a shirt on, might I add? I looked at him, and then leaned over to see if Alice was coming. "Oh, yeah, come in," I muttered under my breath, disappointed that I didn't see Alice. He gave me a look and let himself in, shutting the door.

"I'm Jacob, Jacob Black," he introduced himself, holding out his hand. I gripped his forearm instead, preferring the ancient ritual instead of modern day hand shaking. It was more personal than holding hands with a stranger. He was warm, and I missed the feel of Alice's cold skin.

_**Man, you are smitten**_**, **sneered my other inner voice. I ignored it, as usual. I let go of his arm and pointed to the kitchen.

"I'm Izzy. Bella is in the kitchen," I said, looking out the peephole for Alice. To my surprise, she peeled into the driveway and hopped out of her car, just as Edward came in. _Apparently this house is busy on school days, _I thought.

Alice was the first to reach the door, and I opened it to greet her. "Hey, Izzy," she said, being unnaturally perky so early in the morning. I smiled at her and let her in, leaving the door open for Edward, who was half a step behind Alice. He went straight to the kitchen, leaving me to stand awkwardly in front of Alice. I shut the door and muttered a small hello.

Alice looked at me for a second then said," You aren't wearing that to school, are you?" I gave her that look that said 'of course I am'. The look she gave me back was that of pure horror. "You're joking! Please tell me you're joking," she exclaimed.

I shook my head. "No joke, Alice. Foster kid, no money for real clothes. I had to save up for months to get my Tripp Pants and the boots I'm wearing are a gift," I said.

_**Gods, she's one of those insufferable fashion divas, isn't she? **_I sighed softly, wishing that, for once, I could have my day to myself.

Alice shook her head. "You aren't wearing those jeans or that shirt after today. I can live with the bow in your hair and the shoes, but we are going shopping after school. I can't have my friend going around like that," she stated, a soft smile on her face so I could tell she was only concerned for my very crappy wardrobe. I could tell it was pointless to argue. People often were appalled at my choice of clothing, even more appalled that I never had too many clothes. Clothes were expensive and I could use the same pair of jeans for a year or two.

Alice and I both started toward the kitchen when we heard yelling, but I just stood at the doorway with a smile on my face. Bella was the one shouting at Edward and Jacob to get along. Apparently they were calling each other names. I was about to tell Alice I was ready to go when they stopped and looked at me. First Edward gave me a look that clearly said 'when did you get here?' and then Jacob gave me a look of interest. I didn't know which one I despised more. Bella was still steaming and didn't quite notice.

"Let's go, Alice," I muttered under my breath, electricity jumping between our bodies as I touched her to turn her around. "I don't think I should be here right now."

Alice nodded and led the way. I couldn't help but smile at that. "Alice, have you ever read that thesis called "the instincts of humans the relativity of their animal ancestors using the Greek system of hierarchy"? I'm sure you would get a kick out of it," I said, opening the front door for her.

"Yes, actually, I have. I find the author really took careful consideration in writing it so she wouldn't upset the religious fanatics out there," Alice replied. I couldn't tell her that Tanya Grant was my pen name and that I had written it.

"So, what do you think about her views on those who naturally lead people when they are out walking?" I asked, climbing into her car and buckling up as she did the same. I was glad she remembered from the previous day.

"Well, I admire that she believes the only reason we are above common animals is our advanced communication skills and brain activity. The fact that she states the natural Higher Level Alphas tend to automatically take front line and are the ones who make decisions based on their own selfish needs is argumentative, but rather sturdy. Why do you ask?" she replies, turning on the car and speeding off towards school. I loved her blatant disregard of speed limits.

"I was just thinking you would make a great Mid-Level Alpha," I stated, laughing to myself. "They are the ones who lead, but hate the authority of it, natural as it may seem. Lower Level Alphas tend to be very cynical and hate everyone."

Alice laughed at that, turning on the radio to end the conversation, which I was grateful for. Halestorm was playing "I Get Off". I started nodding my head to it, running my fingers over imaginary strings of a viola I played long ago.

By the time the song was over we were at school and pulling into the parking spot from yesterday. "We're early," Alice said, turning the volume down so it was only a small background noise. "Let's talk."

I nodded, knowing we were about an hour early. "Talk about what?" I was almost afraid to ask. It was Wednesday, the fourth day of being in Forks, and I was already invited to a bonfire, was being driven to school by possibly the prettiest girl I would ever meet, and I still hadn't gotten used to the smell of the air.

Alice smiled at me, and that smile scared me. She was already unbuckled and, with quick fingers, she unbuckled me too. She leaned in and kissed me, swiftly, softly, on my lips. I froze. "About us," she whispered. I didn't think there could be an 'us' and I just about bolted.

_**She kissed you.**__** I can't believe you got kissed. **_I couldn't believe it either.

"Alice, don't you think this is perhaps just a bit fast?" I asked, slowly and carefully. "We just met yesterday."

Alice nodded in an off-the-beat way. "Yes, but time is short," she replied, and I could tell there was something about everything that I was missing. There was no doubt that people were hiding things from me.

I was about to ask what was going on when she kissed me again, but this time I held on to it, my lips tingling with the contact of hers.

I've kissed people before; a few guys, a few girls, even a he-she. Nothing compared to what I felt when I was kissing Alice. It was like the whole world was turned upside down and the only person I had to hold onto was Alice. I expected the worse from people. I expected to be broken-down and trodden upon. Yet, somehow, I knew she wouldn't be like that.

When we finally separated from the kiss, my face heated and my breath was shallow. Alice brushed her hands across my face, almost as if she were afraid of me disappearing. "Alice, I'm not sure about this," I started, doubts and contradictions flying through my mind. "We just met, I mean…" She cut me off, her fingers finding their way to my mouth.

"Like I said before, Izzy," she whispered. "Time is short and I got tired of waiting for you." I still didn't know what she meant, but I had a feeling that I would know soon enough.

"Come on, we can go to your locker before class." I dutifully exited the car and followed her, feeling as if we had known each other for an eternity.


	5. bare grace misery

**A/N and Disclaimer**: I do not own Alice, Bella, or any of Stephanie Meyer's creations... Izzy is my own character created in the depths of my mind. Gothic Sanctuary is a song by Nightwish, a very kick-ass band. You should listen to them. All chapter titles are titles of the band Nightwish's songs. Again, listen to them. Oh, this is where things start getting "M" rated, so don't read it if you don't want to read f/f.

* * *

_**Recap: **__**I've kissed people before; a few guys, a few girls, even a he-she. Nothing compared to what I felt when I was kissing Alice. It was like the whole world was turned upside down and the only person I had to hold onto was Alice. I expected the worse from people. I expected to be broken-down and trodden upon. Yet, somehow, I knew she wouldn't be like that.**_

_**When we finally separated from the kiss, my face heated and my breath was shallow. Alice brushed her hands across my face, almost as if she was afraid of me disappearing. "Alice, I'm not sure about this," I started, doubts and contradictions flying through my mind. "We just met, I mean…" She cut me off, her fingers finding their way to my mouth.**_

"_**Like I said before, Izzy," she whispered. "Time is short and I got tired of waiting for you." I still didn't know what she meant, but I had a feeling that I would know soon enough.**_

"_**Come on, we can go to your locker before class." I dutifully exited the car and followed her, feeling as if we had known each other for an eternity.**_

**Chapter four**: _-bare grace misery-_

I spent the morning waiting for lunch. I needed to ask Alice what was going on. I didn't feel as though I was being fair because I held my share of secrets, but only those pertaining to me and my past. If there was something up that involved me, I felt as though I had a right to know, which I did.

The last ten minutes were the longest ten minutes of my life. Lunch couldn't come soon enough. It was very tiring, how slowly the clock seemed to move. Nine minutes and thirty seven seconds left. Nine minutes and thirty five seconds left.

Bella passed me a note: '_Izzy, what's up with you and Alice?'_

'_**What do you mean?' **_I wrote back carefully. Eight minutes and fifty-four seconds.

'_Alice likes you and she tends to take things quick if she decides she doesn't want to wait. Just remember what happened at your last home? Why you were transferred here?'_

'_**Bella, I understand your concern, but Alice isn't Travis. Travis didn't bother with the romance. He went straight to the wham-bam, tell anyone and you are a dead ma'am. I would appreciate it if you didn't bring that up. I don't want Alice knowing.'**_

Seven minutes fifty-nine seconds.

'_I didn't mean it that way. I don't want either of you to get hurt.'_

I sighed. _I was abused; it isn't that big of a deal. It happens to everyone at least once, doesn't it? _I thought.

_**Everything happens to you babe. Psycho father, murdered mother, abusive foster brother. You wanted Travis to hurt you though. The pain made you feel alive, made you feel as though something was holding you down. It made you believe you weren't entirely crazy.**_

I hated it when the voice was right. I thrived on pain and rejection, because it made me feel as though I wasn't always numb. I didn't cut myself, but I did let others hurt me, even when I had the power to stop them.

Five minutes ten seconds until lunch.

'_**I understand that. But understand that no matter what happens, it can't possibly be worse than what I've already gone through. And don't tell Alice. I mean it.'**_

'_Okay. But don't expect me to lie to her.'_

I shook my head. '_**Never.'**_

We spent the rest of class, four minutes three seconds, staring idly out the window. A storm was brewing and I was ecstatic at an excuse to journey from class to class without my sunglasses.

Alice was waiting for me at my locker after class. "Hey, Alice," I said, staring into her brilliant gold, only slightly different from yesterday's topaz. "How's your day so far?"

Alice smiled and hugged me. "Much better now that I've done that," she whispered into my ear, sending chills down my spine. My heart sped up just a little more, pounding in my chest. She let me go a few seconds later, her eyes strangely black again.

Alice looked outside, then at me, then outside again. "Why don't we go outside for lunch again? It looks nice enough," she said, a mischievous grin on her face that I found rather attractive. I hoped she would grace me with more of those.

"I'd love that, although I'm sure Bella might have a problem with that," I replied, looking around to see if Bella was somewhere. She was off with Edward. "Okay, let's go before the Warden find out!"

Alice, again leading the way, bounded out the doors and into the pouring rain. "Have I told you that I love your accent, Izzy," she called out over the thunder and the lightening. I smiled.

"Thanks! I was born in Romania but my parents came to the country when I was five. They never spoke English in the house," I said loudly, standing underneath the protection of the overhang. She pulled me out into the rain and a sudden bolt of lightening lit up her face, beautiful and flawless.

Alice pulled us closer, our bodies molded together perfectly, her lips claiming mine in a loving kiss. "I find it very alluring," she murmured over the roaring thunder and pounding rain.

Alice's kisses were unlike any I had ever had before. They were filled with love, something I didn't often have the pleasure of feelings. They created complete silence in my head.

My eyes closed as I kissed her, wrapping my arms around her waist as she put her arms around mine. Her cold body cooled down my heated flesh. Her lips were softer than I could remember. She was the only thing keeping me from floating into Neverland.

Alice broke us apart, my breathing shallow and my face flushed. I couldn't say how long we stood there, staring into each other's eyes, hers black as coal, mine a piercing green. It was long past the bell for calculus that we final looked away, my heart beating so wildly in my chest I was sure she could hear it.

"We should get to class," Alice said, grabbing my hand and leading the way. We didn't bother swinging by our lockers. There was only about twenty minutes left in class anyway and we were both soaked. The teacher didn't bother lecturing us. We just sat down next to each other and snuck glances when his back was turned.

After class, I discovered that I had a free period. I decided to take that hour and six minutes to dry off in the bathroom, standing under the hand-dryer and shaking my hair out repeatedly. By the time school was over, I was almost completely dry.

Alice waited for me by my locker, standing so still I was afraid that she was mad at me. My fear was misplaced as she came up and kissed me chastely on the cheek. I winced slightly as I raised my arm to do the combination to open my locker.

"Ready to go shopping, Izzy?" she asked. I was appalled that she still remembered.

"Do we really have to go, Alice? I'm perfectly content with my wardrobe," I stated, trying to get her to see otherwise. She didn't.

"Izzy, I refuse to let you go around in pants that are way too big for you," she said, her voice full of command. I stopped arguing.

"I have fifty dollars at the Chief's house. We can probably get a few shirts, a few pants, and a pair of shoes," I said, putting my bag in my locker. Alice shook her head.

"I'm paying. Don't argue, just go with it," she said and I knew it was the end of that. I followed her out of the school and back into her car. I buckled up before she turned on the car. It was still raining hard and I was glad yet again for not having to use my shades.

We were half-way to Port Angeles when I remembered I hadn't told Bella or the Chief I was kidnapped by Alice. "Shit! Alice!" I exclaimed, my voice frantic. "I didn't tell Bella! I'm so dead!"

Alice laughed, tossing me her cell phone. "I told Bella, but if it makes you feel better, you can call her and let you know you are shopping with me," she offered, looking at me and not the road.

"Alice, if you don't look where you are going, I'm going to tuck and roll," I threatened, knowing full well that I would too. I had often escaped bad situations by jumping out of cars.

She smiled, but did what I told her too. I didn't call Bella, figuring that, since Alice did, I didn't need to.

"Alice," I said slowly and carefully, not wanting her to kick me out of the car. "What did you mean when you said time was short and you got tired of waiting?"

I didn't look at Alice when I asked. I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer. _**Stop being such a pussy and get the fuck over it. If it's bad, it's bad. Knowing your luck, it's probably bad.**_

_Shut the fuck up! I'm sick of your comments today! I need a few fucking minutes alone with Alice, is that too much to ask you?!_

_**Maybe, **_it snickered, an annoying laugh in the midst of my already jumbled thoughts.

Alice took a deep breath. "Izzy, I'll tell you Friday at the bonfire. I swear," she said, her eyes surprisingly fixed on the road. "Don't fret about it too much; it isn't anything to worry about."

I sighed, but relented. "So, how long 'til we get there and the torture is through?" I asked, totally unprepared to come to a sudden stop, jerking me forward in my seat.

"Here," she yelled, unbuckling and getting out. I followed suit and walked close behind her, my eyes on the ground. When we reached the safety of a store picked by Alice, I looked at the clothes surrounding me and gave Alice a look.

"Alice, I appreciate you wanting to buy me clothes, but these are too expensive and not really my type," I said, smiling when she grabbed my hand.

"Silly! We are just passing through here so we can go to this store I know you'll like," she stated, walking again. "And don't worry about money. We have a lot of it."

I shook my head, letting myself be tugged along by Alice. The store she was talking about didn't have a sign out front, but inside was the largest selection of punk and Goth clothes I had ever seen. Alice spent all of maybe two seconds picking out three pairs of pants, five shirts, and some sort of corset.

"We're trying these on," she told me, leading me to the changing rooms. It wasn't until I was pushed into the stall with Alice locking the door from the inside that I realized what she had said.

"Alice, I'm sure I can dress myself," I pointed out, getting ready to make her leave me to try on clothes myself. "Besides, you don't even know what size I am!"

"You're the same size I am and I saw you wince at your locker. You need my help to get you dressed," Alice said, tugging off my shirt before I could protest again.

"Hey! Alice," I yelped, crossing my arms around my chest and grabbing a random shirt to cover myself with. I didn't want her to see me in my bra or to watch me get dressed. I didn't want to risk her seeing my scar or my bruises. "I told you, I can dre-"

She cut me off with a kiss. It wasn't like the kisses we shared before. This one had a certain animalistic quality that I had never experienced before. She pressed me up against the wall, which turned out to be made of brick. I knew this because it was digging into my back and the sharp pain was turning me on.

My arms were trapped between us so I used this to try and push her off of me, which didn't work. In the end I had to turn my head to the side and say "Alice, off. I need air."

Alice did so, pouting all the while. "What the fuck was that about?" I asked, not really angry so much as shocked. That had taken me totally off guard.

"Any more arguing with me, Izzy, and I won't stop kissing you like that," Alice stated as though it were a fact. I was almost tempted to argue just to get her to kiss me again.

She grinned, content that I wasn't going to go against whatever she had in mind, and unbuttoned my pants. She looked up at my scar. "Where did you get this?" she murmured, her voice soft and velvet smooth. She ran a finger down the scar, her nail finding every bump and curve.

"Car crash," I replied curtly. "My pants can stay-" I was interrupted by being pinned to the wall, my hands to either side of my body being gripped softly by Alice.

"What did I say about arguing," she whispered while she tugged down my pants. I opened my mouth to protest this gross injustice, but she simply met me with a kiss.

There was no fight for dominance, no turning my head. I kissed her back, her cold skin once again cooling me down, as if that was the whole point. I didn't mind kissing her half-naked in a dressing room in a store I never been to. All I could focus on was the fact that Alice Cullen was kissing me again. And, again, there was no voice in my head to ruin the experience.

It was going completely well with me, until she accidently bumped a bruise and I yelped. Alice broke off the kiss, still holding me against the wall, but taking a step back to see why.

"Don't tell me you got these bruises from that car crash," Alice stated, and I knew I was screwed.


	6. forever yours

**A/N and Disclaimer**: I do not own Alice, Bella, or any of Stephanie Meyer's creations... Izzy is my own character created in the depths of my mind. Gothic Sanctuary is a song by Nightwish, a very kick-ass band. You should listen to them. All chapter titles are titles of the band Nightwish's songs. Again, listen to them. Oh, this is where things start getting "M" rated, so don't read it if you don't want to read f/f.

* * *

_**Recap: There was no fight for dominance, no turning my head. I kissed her back, her cold skin once again cooling me down, as if that was the whole point. I didn't mind kissing her half-naked in a dressing room in a store I never been to. All I could focus on was the fact that Alice Cullen was kissing me again. And, again, there was no voice in my head completely ruining the experience for me.**_

_**It was going completely well with me, until she accidently bumped a bruise and I yelped. Alice broke away from the kiss, still holding me against the wall but taking a step back to see why I cried out. **_

"_**Don't tell me you got these bruises from that car crash," Alice said, and I knew I was screwed.**_

Chapter five: -forever yours -

_**Never assume someone won't find out something. They will find out, **_snickered the voice that somehow decided to talk when I desperately needed quiet.

"Alice, they're nothing, honestly," I stated, my voice almost cracking. "People get bruises, it happens."

_**Like she'll believe that, you dunce.**_

Alice gave me a look that would have made grown men cower in fear, but I stared her down. "It's nothing Alice, don't worry about it!"

"Sanda Istrati, don't lie to me. I can believe that you don't want to talk about it, and that all you have to say, but don't you dare lie to me," Alice growled, scaring me for the first time.

I nodded, swallowing the nothing that was in my dry mouth. "Alice, I didn't mean it that way. I… I'm… sorry Alice. I can't tell you," I stuttered, my face burning with shame. I wanted to cry. "They'll be gone in a few more days and we can forget all about them."

To my utter embarrassment, I did start crying. I so badly wanted to tell her the truth, to let her know every part of me. I couldn't. To do that would be to sign my own death warrant. I didn't want to admit my own sick fantasies.

"Izzy, it's okay. You don't have to tell me," Alice whispered, hugging me tightly and kissing my forehead. I buried my head in her shoulder, my body shaking as I tried to hold myself together. "Shhh, it's okay, Izzy. It's ok."

Her soft voice relaxed me, giving me time to get myself together. I dried my eyes, feeling Alice let go of me right as she shoved a shirt over my head.

"Alice," I laughed, smiling as I tried to find the hole for my arms. "Anything to get me to let you dress me, right?"

Alice laughed too, the small space filled with me trying to get my head back down to earth from it. _**You twit, you need to stop being so Gods damned retarded. It's only a girl.**_

_And you are just a voice. Shut up._

Alice didn't say anything. She grabbed a very nice pair of pants with chains and designs of daggers and swords hidden in the pattern. It looked like Tripp Pants, but the name was something I didn't recognize. I reached out to grab them, but she knocked my hand out of the way.

"I thought I said I was helping you get dress," she stated, kneeling and holding them out so I could step into them. I sighed, holding onto her shoulders for balance.

After they were up and resting on my hips, despite my attempts to zip them up myself and Alice knocking my hands out of the way, I looked in the mirror.

"Nice. By the way, I love your bra. Rainbows are so awesome," Alice said, smirking at me. I couldn't wait to be done shopping.

A few hours (and several pants, shoes, shirts, thongs, bras, and corsets) later, we left the store, my arms loaded and Alice laughing about how she was going to pick out my outfit for tomorrow. I groaned at that.

After we put the bags in the trunk and backseat, buckled ourselves in, and headed out, Alice put on Tatu, my favorite band. It was in the original Russian, but somehow we both managed to sing "Ya sosshia s'uma" perfectly.

It was a long car ride back to Bella's place and I ended up falling asleep, my dreams filled to the brim of Alice. I woke up briefly to find myself being carried to my room, darkness all around me, but I was too out of it to try and figure out who it was.

I nuzzled into the cold being lying next to me, my dreams escaping into reality. I yawned and stretched, opening my eyes and seeing Alice. I fell out of my bed in surprise, making an 'oomph' sound when I hit the floor. Alice laughed.

"Alice, what the fuck are you doing?" I yelled, not really angry but frustrated. "It's like…" I glanced at the clock. "It's three am. Shouldn't you be home?"

Alice leaned over the bed and helped me up with one arm. "Esme and Carlisle said I could stay the night with Bella, but I snuck in here while she was sleeping to check on you. You totally crashed in the car."

I froze at the word 'crash'. I didn't like that word, it brought up too many bad memories. Apparently Alice realized that, because the next second she was apologizing fervently.

"Alice, chill, it's okay. It happens," I said, looking at myself. I didn't remember changing into pajamas, nor did I remember taking my bra off. "You dressed me for bed, didn't you?!" I accused, glaring at her playfully.

Alice giggled, reaching out and yanking me back onto the bed and into her embrace. "So what if I did, Sanda Istrati with the cute bed hair," she said, holding me in such a way that we were facing each other. I was comfortable, so I didn't complain.

I kissed her, the smell of her shampoo or soap or perfume filling my lungs with a longing. I rolled us over so I was on top of her, my hands entangled in her hair and her hands resting on my hips. I ignored the pain in my arm; it only added to what I was feeling.

I was only on top for maybe a minute when Alice flipped me over with such swiftness I wasn't quite sure what had happened. "I thought I was the Alpha," she whispered into my ear, causing me to shiver.

Alice held me down by my wrists, our bodies fitted together perfectly. She kissed my ear, my jaw, my lips, my chin, and then my neck. She stopped where my jugular vein was, licking it softly. I moaned softly.

"I love you, Izzy," Alice whispered, seeming to force herself away from my neck to stare into my eyes, her onyx and my green gazing into an eternity of emotions.

In my next breath, I signed away everything I had ever believed in about getting close to people. Everything I had hoped I would never suffer through. I said "I love you, Alice" and I sealed it with a kiss.

We didn't have sex, but I did end up falling asleep in her arms that night. I was tangled in my thoughts and my emotions. I knew one thing though; I was indeed in love with Alice Cullen.

I woke up the next morning to find her missing from my bed. I searched my room, the bathroom, and the living room before discovering her in the kitchen, cooking what looked like quesadillas. They smelled delicious, but I wasn't hungry.

"Morning, Izzy," Alice said softly, flipping over the tortilla in the pan and kissing me on the cheek as I walked by. She was dressed nicely in a button up blouse and a jean skirt. I was still in my pajamas.

"Hey, Alice," I replied. My voice was deep and sleep-heavy. My hair was bound to be sticking up randomly. I looked outside, a storm brewing again. "Late start?"

Alice laughed. "Only because the roads are flooded from yesterday. After breakfast I'm picking out your clothes for the day." I wasn't going to argue with her after sleeping for the longest time in years, thanks to her.

I yawned and collapsed into the chair, unwilling to get back up until I had some apple juice, which Alice promptly poured. "Thanks," I muttered, downing it quickly as my brain cleared. With the breakfast she prepared finished and in the oven, I let her drag me back up the stairs to pick what I had to wear.

Reaching my room, I sat on the bed while Alice dug through the bags, muttering to herself. She threw something that looked like a red peasant shirt at me, a corset, and a skin-tight pair of jeans that flared at the bottoms.

"Take off your clothes," she demanded, not waiting for an answer but tugging down off my pants.

"I'm not wearing a bra," I protested, but my shirt followed suit anyway. I crossed my arms against the cold and Alice's all-seeing eyes. A bra flew through the air at me, landing at my feet. I quickly put the black push-up on.

"Okay, Izzy, now put on the shirt, then the corset," Alice said, gently handing my shirt so she could help me put on the pants.

"I'm not your Barbie doll," I complained, but she laughed. Her laugh seemed to make me feel like I could trust her and let her do anything she wanted to.

Alice moved behind me, slipping the corset around my middle and tying it for me. She wrapped her arms around my waist, resting her head on my shoulder.

"This is nice," she whispered, her breath playing across the exposed skin of my shoulders. My eyes were closed, my breathing was hitched, and my heart was beating harshly.

Alice's phone went off, but she ignored it, instead pulling me towards the bathroom. I could hear Bella downstairs getting her food and the Chief yelled out that he was leaving.

"Sit," Alice said, pushing me on the toilet seat, which was thankfully down. She messed with my hair, only showing me the soft spikes fifteen minutes. I smiled, thinking I looked rather hot. There was no contradiction inside my head.

"Time for school, Izzy," Bella said, peaking her head through the door. "You look nice, by the way."

I heard knocking on the door, but Alice beat me downstairs. It was only Edward. "Izzy," he said quietly, seeing me hiding fruitlessly behind Alice. I didn't like him. He seemed to get too anxious when I was around, almost as if everything I did was unexpected.

"Edward," I replied, my voice squeaking, even if Alice was holding my hand.

"See you at school, Edward," Alice said my book bag in her hands. She slipped it over my shoulder and pulled me out the door, shutting it behind her.

"So, we have an hour before school," I said mischievously. She smiled, seeming to know what I meant.

We climbed into her car, buckling simultaneously, and ended out. On the way, a thought occurred to me. "Hey, Alice?" I asked. "If you don't mind my asking, where do we stand? I mean, are we dating, just friends, what?"

Alice looked at me. "I don't think we need a label, do you? We love each other and that's all that matters."

"I couldn't agree more," I said, smiling. I had only known Alice Cullen for two days at this point, and I already knew I couldn't live without her.


	7. crimson tidedeep blue sea

**A/N and Disclaimer**: I do not own Alice, Bella, or any of Stephanie Meyer's creations... Izzy is my own character created in the depths of my mind. Gothic Sanctuary is a song by Nightwish, a very kick-ass band. You should listen to them. All chapter titles are titles of the band Nightwish's songs. Again, listen to them. Oh, this is where things start getting "M" rated, so don't read it if you don't want to read f/f.

* * *

_**Recap:**_ _**"So, we have an hour before school," I said mischievously. She smiled, seeming to know what I meant. **_

_**We climbed into her car, buckling simultaneously, and ended out. On the way, a thought occurred to me. "Hey, Alice?" I asked. "If you don't mind my asking, where do we stand? I mean, are we dating, just friends, what?"**_

_**Alice looked at me. "I don't think we need a label, do you? We love each other and that's all that matters."**_

"_**I couldn't agree more," I said, smiling. I had only known Alice Cullen for two days at this point and I already knew I couldn't live without her.**_

**Chapter six**: –_crimson tide-deep blue sea_-

"Come on, Izzy. It's just for today. Jake wanted to meet you," Bella said, pushing the issue. She and I were going to spend the rest of the day at the reservation. I didn't want to go, but Alice said she and her family were going somewhere for a family thing.

"I'm going. Doesn't mean I have to enjoy it," I said curtly. We were in Bella's screaming metal death trap of a truck, already on Quileute soil.

Bella sighed, her truck shaking, rattling, and probably rolling onto something dead. If it weren't for the fact that Alice had begged me to go with Bella, I would have tucked and rolled by then.

We pulled into the driveway of some small house. Outside, waiting for us, was Jacob Black, the very warm, very not Alice friend of Bella.

"Hey guys," he said in his deep voice. He was dirty and wearing only shorts again. I glared at him until I noticed the bike in the garage.

"Oh, what type?" I asked, my eyes lighting up as I ran to look at it. "Seems like one of those new Suzuki models GSX650's, right?"

Jacob laughed, his booming voice echoing in the small area. "Yeah, you're right," he said, obviously appreciating my knowledge of motorcycles. I loved them, fascinating as they were. They scared me a lot less than any car because I was able to control them easier. It was as though they were an extension of my body, the motor vibrating in tune to my pulse.

I gazed at him with puppy-dog eyes. "I will do anything if you let me ride it," I said, meaning it one hundred percent. I really wanted to ride that fucking bike.

"No, Izzy. You can't ride the bike," Bella said sternly. I glared at her.

"I was asking Jacob. I have my motorcycle license, you know," I retorted.

Thankfully, Jacob intervened. "Come on, Bells. It won't kill her if she wears a helmet," he said to her softly. She sighed but seemed to relent.

"Thanks, Jake," I yelled, jumping on him to hug him, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing his cheek. "You fucking rock!"

"Wear a helmet, short stuff," he said, tossing a red one to me. I strapped it on and straddled the bike, the keys already in the ignition.

"Izzy, be safe," Bella called out warily. I revved up the engine, slammed down the visor of the helmet, and sped out of there, not looking back.

I weaved in and out of trees, did a few wheelies and a donut or two, and I stopped at a cliff. There were kids jumping off it and landing in the water far below. It looked like fun.

I sped up and stopped a few yards from the top, taking off the helmet and doing a quick touch-up of my hair. "Hey," I said coolly, trying not to act intimidated. They were all tall and dark like Jacob.

"Hey," said one of the younger looking ones. "I'm Seth, this is Quil and Embry. What are you doing with Jake's bike?"

I nodded to the other kids, but I focused my attention on Seth. He seemed to be the more personable one. "I'm Izzy. Jake lent it to me," I replied. "Jumping fun?"

"Oh, hey, you're the foster kid that's staying with Bella, aren't you?" Seth asked, innocence oozing from every orifice of his body. I appreciated that. I can't honestly say I liked it because it was annoying, but I appreciated it. "And yeah, it's loads of fun."

"Cool. So you just jump, right," I said, not asking but rather looking for confirmation. I walked up to the edge and looked down. I had a good buzz just from that.

"Yeah. You jump and swim to the beach and do it again," Seth said, and I looked up at him and smiled.

"Watch Jake's bike for me then," I told him. Then I took a step back and dropped.

I can't exactly tell you the experience of falling from a cliff. It's like plunging from a safe haven into the fiery depths of hell below. There is that tickling in your stomach, a tingling in your entire body. You don't know when you are going to hit the water because you shut your eyes so tight you are afraid they will crack.

Then you hit the water.

It goes up your nose and you end up sputtering for air, practically begging whatever god you worship for death, just so the fear will end. You think you can't get to the surface in time. Everything is cold, rushing and swirling around you, you're being dragged down by the tide, the waves crashing over you even if you do manage to get above the surface. What you forget is that if you relax and exhale, you will float to the surface on your back. However, I never forget.

I ended up floating to the beach, a smile on my face and my clothes soaked. As I trudged up the hill to Jacob's bike, my shoes sloshed about and my hair was probably beyond repair. I was happy.

Seth and his friends were staring at me by the time I got to the top. "What's wrong? Is my shirt see-through?" I asked, although I knew that the corset would prevent anything from showing. Not that I cared exactly.

"No," Seth said quietly, still staring. I laughed and put on the helmet again.

"Thanks for letting me jump. I'll catch you guys later," I yelled out as the engine burst into life and I sped off, the high from the cliff dive still coursing through my veins.

I went back to Jacob's house after that, my clothes still slightly wet. _Gods, I hope Bella doesn't notice_, I thought.

_**Even if she doesn't notice your wet clothes, she might notice the smell of the ocean on your body**_, came the comment I was trying not to think about from the voice I was trying to pretend didn't exist.

I shut off the bike at the end of the driveway and walked it up trying to see if Bella was in the garage with Jake or not. I didn't see either one.

I let out the breath I hadn't known I was holding. Coast is clear, I thought, putting the bike and helmet back to where they had been. The jeans I was wearing were sticking tightly to my skin. It was irritating.

"Hello there, Sanda," a voice said quietly, causing me to jump. I turned to see someone in a wheelchair looking hard at me from the garage entrance.

"Uh… Hi," I muttered, trying to figure out who he was and how he knew my name.

"I'm Billy, Jake's father. He told me you were staying with Charlie," he said, not smiling at all. I nodded, not sure what to say to him. "He also said that you were hanging out with the Cullens. Don't. Bella made her choice to do that, but you shouldn't."

I stared at him. _Who does he think he is, telling me that I can't hang with Alice? I can do whatever I want. I don't even know him._

Bella came to my rescue. "Hey, we need to leave, Izzy. Charlie is expecting us home," she said, smiling at Billy. Jacob was behind her and I wondered what they had been talking about, but it didn't worry me. I didn't care. I just wanted to get out of there before I got too mad and did something stupid.

"See ya, Izzy," Jacob said with a goofy grin on his face. I didn't want to ask what it was for, but I waved good-bye and went out to Bella's truck.

Before Bella could turn around to get into the truck to drive us, I saw her and Billy talking to each other about something. It was probably me seeing as they kept glancing over at me and were speaking in hushed tones. Bella looked pissed.

"God, that man makes me so angry," she said, getting into the driver's seat and buckling. "I love him dearly, but he really needs to butt out sometimes."

I didn't say anything and the ride home was in silence, with one exception.

_**Fuck fuck fuck a duck, screw a kangaroo. Sixty nine a porcupine, why you at the zoo?**_

_Oh, shut up for once, you fucking retard! Gods, you make me feel like taking another drill to my head!_

I was only met with laughter.

When we got home I did my homework. Right as I was finishing, I had a disturbance in my stomach, and I barely made it to the bathroom before I threw up. I felt cool hands on my forehead holding my hair back from my face.

"Alice," I said weakly, trying to stand but falling down. _Fucking stomach flu._

_**Serves you right, bitch.**_

"Edward, actually," came the reply. I groaned and threw up again, flushing the toilet before he could see the red in the bowl. "You should really get that checked out."

"Shut up," I muttered right before I retched, but my stomach was empty. I was miserable and I only wanted Alice, not her brother whom I didn't like at all.

"Here," Edward said, wiping my mouth and flushing the tissue down the toilet. "Does Bella know about this?"

"Know about what?" I asked, although I knew what he was talking about. No one knew and I wasn't about to tell them about it. I was controlling it.

"You have liver failure," he said. The way he said it he sounded almost sorry.

"I also have photosensitivity. What's your point?" I shot back. I leaned onto him for support so I could stand up.

Edward sighed. "I simply meant that you should tell her. Or at least talk to my father about it. He may be able to treat you," he responded.

"It's none of your business, Edward," I snarled, pushing him away from me but I tripped in the process. He caught me before I hit the floor.

_**Stupid cunt. Accept help for once will you!?**_

"Shut up," I murmured beneath my breath.

"Pardon," he asked, surprised at what I said.

"I said let me go. I'm heading to bed," I said louder, stumbling my way to my room. I fell again, and again Edward helped me up.

"Izzy, allow me to help you get to your room," he said, his knight in shining armor attitude showing again. I relented, but only because I could barely stand.

We were almost there when Bella spotted us. "Izzy, are you okay? You look sick," she commented. I hadn't realized I looked that shitty.

"She threw up blood. I believe her liver is damaged," said the all chivalrous Edward, whom I was trying to kill with the daggers in my eyes.

"I was not. I threw up, yeah, but I'm fine. I don't want to go to the doctor," I added. I walked into my room and was going to shut the door but something stopped me. And that something was a very concerned looking Alice.

"What's this about you throwing up blood?" she demanded, very much an Alpha at that point. She also seemed somewhat pissed off.

"It's nothing, I swear," I argued, but it was pointless to do so. Especially since in the next moment I hurled again, right onto the floor and Alice's shoes.


	8. nightquest

**A/N and Disclaimer**: I do not own Alice, Bella, or any of Stephanie Meyer's creations... Izzy is my own character created in the depths of my mind. Gothic Sanctuary is a song by Nightwish, a very kick-ass band. You should listen to them. All chapter titles are titles of the band Nightwish's songs. Again, listen to them. Oh, this is where things start getting "M" rated, so don't read it if you don't want to read f/f.

* * *

_**Recap: We were almost there when Bella spotted us. "Izzy, are you okay? You look sick," she commented. I hadn't realized I looked that shitty.**_

"_**She threw up blood. I believe her liver is damaged," said the all chivalrous Edward, whom I was trying to kill with the daggers in my eyes.**_

"_**I was not. I threw up, yeah, but I'm fine. I don't want to go to the doctor," I added. I walked into my room and was going to shut the door but something stopped me. And that something was a very concerned looking Alice.**_

"_**What's this about you throwing up blood?" she demanded, very much an Alpha at that point. She also seemed somewhat pissed off.**_

"_**It's nothing, I swear," I argued, but it was pointless to do so. Especially since in the next moment I hurled again, right onto the floor and Alice's shoes.**_

**Chapter seven: **_-nightquest-_

Edward, as much as I hate to admit it, was the one who actually went to the bathroom and got a towel to clean up the bloody mess on the floor. I was apologizing fervently to Alice, crying, and making a mess of everything. I felt awful.

Charlie came upstairs to see what the racket was about. I was ratted out by Edward, Bella, and Alice, all three simultaneously speaking.

_**Busted!**_

"I'm fine. I just need some sleep," I said loudly, trying to escape into the sanctity of my bedroom. Alice caught me by my wrists and spun me around so my arms were crossed and she was behind me, holding me still.

"I think I should take her to the hospital," Alice offered. I hurt myself trying to kick her. She was harder than I thought she would be.

"I'm fine! Seriously! The water from the cliff dive probably didn't sit well with my stomach," I explained. Immediately I realized this was the wrong thing to say.

Everyone went into action at the same time. Alice picked me up, Edward was calling his dad to see if he was at the hospital, Bella grabbed a few blankets from my room, and the Chief was taking out his keys saying that we would take his car. Then I was forcibly taken to the hospital.

_**There is one thing everyone should know about living with a cop. If you need to go to the emergency room, you will get there in style. **_

We were speeding down the street with Alice holding me still in the middle of the car; Edward sitting in the front telling Charlie that Carlisle said he would treat me, and Bella sitting next to the other window. Apparently, they were worried about me tucking and rolling.

When we reached the hospital, a handsome looking doctor was standing next to a wheelchair in the front. He looked too young to be a doctor to me.

"Hello, you must be Izzy," he said, helping me into the chair. I was ready to kill everyone there because I was so humiliated. "I'm Doctor Cullen, but you may call me Carlisle, since you are friends with my daughter.

He gave me one of those plastic tubs in case I threw up, which I did. Then I passed out.

People pass out when their bodies can no longer take the stress of a situation. They wake up later, whether it is seconds, hours, or days, with absolutely no recollection of what happened to them during that time they were out like a light.

I woke up with IVs and an oxygen mask hooked up to me. I gently took off the mask and slid out the IV, which was hooked up to a blood bag. I hated needles.

"You shouldn't do that," a disembodied voice said. The curtain surrounding me was pushed open and a very odd girl with her wrists bandaged up appeared. "They're just going to put it back in."

I looked at her. Her hair was blond, but she was wearing bright pink eye shadow with black eye-liner. She also was wearing several bangle bracelets.

"I'm Izzy. Who are you?" I asked, not exactly caring for her name, but I was hoping she would give me some information about what was going on.

"I'm Skye. Skye Everhart. Why are you here?" she asked, returning a question. I shrugged. "Well, I thought it would be cool to write a poem on my wall."

"Then why the hell are you here? That shouldn't be a problem," I said. "I'm here because I have liver problems."

"Oh, I decided to write it in my blood because paint is so passé`," Skye replied, sitting down at the edge of my bed. "Liver problems, huh? That sucks. Oh well, we're roomies for now so we might as well get to know each other, right?"

Skye was a bit too hyper for me. She was jumping up and down on my bed, humming what sounded like a Michael Jackson song.

_**Weird bitch, isn't she?**_

"How come I haven't seen you in school? Seems like I would remember you," I commented, sitting up and coughing up a little blood. I felt fine, though. It happened a lot.

"I'm new here. Just moved. That's why I wanted to write on my wall. Make it more homey, ya know? So, your blood type is AB negative? Mine is O positive. I'm common, makes it easier for me to donate. Have you ever donated?" she rambled off, poking the blood bag. "You've been here for hours, did ya know that? I thought you were dead!"

Carlisle entered the room, smiling at me. "You seem to be doing better, Izzy. If you promise to take medication everyday, Izzy, you can leave, given that you jumping off the cliff were for recreational purposes. I gave Charlie the prescription for your meds," he said, his teeth sparkling and his hair perfectly messed up. He was very likable. "And Skye, you have to stay here a few days. You know why."

I let out a sigh of relief and got up. "Yeah, I thought it looked like fun. Seth and his friends made it look so easy," I said, forcing a smile on my face. "Are my clothes in the bag then?" I asked, pointing to the chair next to my bed.

Carlisle nodded and left me to change. "You got off lucky, you know," Skye commented. I closed the curtain on her, quickly changing into my clothes, which I found out were different from what I came with.

"I switched them. You needed clean clothes," Alice said, coming up from behind me. She slipped off my gown and pulled a short sleeved shirt over my head, followed by a rather short skirt being pulled up my legs.

_**I guess you are her Barbie doll. **_

_It's not my fault I've gotten used to her doing that._

_**It's not my fault you're a whore.**_

Alice let her hands linger in just the right places to make my breathing hitched. I had completely forgotten Skye was even there until I heard a small whistle.

I looked up to see Skye smiling at me. "Wow, you sure can pick them, can't you Izzy?" she said laughing.

"Hello, and who might you be?" Alice's voice was cold. She made a point of holding me closer, her arm around my waist in a possessive way.

"I'm Skye. I'll be going to Forks High School, Home of the Spartans when I get out of here." Skye was still smiling, although it did falter a bit.

Alice frowned. "That's nice. We're leaving now." Alice then led me out of the room, holding me so tightly it hurt.

I pushed her away when we got into the hall. "Hey, what the hell was that about? Skye is just a kid," I said, a little more than slightly pissed.

"That's okay. She'll stay a kid, and you'll stay away from her. I don't like her," Alice growled. When I say growled, I mean growled, like a dog.

I sighed in exasperation but I was sure I wouldn't see Skye again, so I let it go. We walked down the hallways and into the waiting room, where I was met with glares from Charlie and Bella. Alice, my savior and sanctuary, waved good-bye but whispered into my ear that she would stop by in a few hours to see me.

I spaced out when Charlie and Bella started in on me. I knew Bella had jumped off the cliff beforehand but I had jumped with others around me. Plus I was a strong swimmer, so I wasn't in any real danger.

Bella was put in charge of my medications, which I was to take every morning before school and every night before bed. I knew it would only make me worse so I had decided to slip it into my sleeve as I had previously done. If I was dying, I wanted to die, not prolong my suffering.

_**Death is just another adventure waiting to happen.**_

_And adventure is a lifestyle._ Sometimes we agreed on things, the voice in my head and I.

When we got home, I slipped away to the bathroom to shower. It had been a very long night and I needed to get clean.

As I stepped out of my clothes and fetched the pajamas from under the sink, I thought of Alice. She seemed to be on my mind a lot and it was starting to worry me. I almost never allowed myself to have close relationships with anyone. The foster care system tended to do that to people.

_Fucking hormones,_ I thought, embarrassed as I felt myself get wet at the memory of how Alice talked to me at the hospital. I always found BDSM stuff rather arousing and Alice was one hell of a Dom.

_**You and your bondage dominatrix submissive masochism shit. Just because Alice would be a great Dominatrix doesn't mean shit.**_

_It means she's great in bed, asshole!_

I stepped under the warm spray of the shower and hoped it would be cool enough to distract me from my feelings of Alice. It didn't work. I couldn't distract myself when I was shaving my legs. I couldn't distract myself when I was shaving my arms (I had hair issues). I couldn't distract myself when I was shaving anywhere else either.

Washing my hair only heightened it, and in the end, I got out of the shower more turned on than when I had gotten in. I was very sexually frustrated.

I towel dried and got dressed, shoving my dirty clothes in the laundry chute on my way back to my room. I was trying to focus on anything other than the burning sensation between my legs. I thought of every single parasite I knew, which was a lot, to see if that would work. Like everything else, it didn't.

The voice that was neither male nor female, I often pondered why it didn't have a gender, wasn't helping.

_**Oh, just imagine Alice laying down on your bed, completely naked and dripping wet…**_

_Shut up._

_**Running her hands over her perky breasts, begging you to take her, to ease that need. **_

_Shut the fuck up! I mean it!_

_**Better yet, imagine her tying you to your bed, all decked out in leather, taking a whip to you.**_

I moaned, glad I had finally made it to the sanctity of my room. I shut and locked the door behind me, thinking I should have some me time.

"You smell nice, Izzy," said Alice somewhere behind me. I turned around to see her grinning at me from my bed.

"What the hell, Alice? Where did you come from?" I exclaimed, but I smiled awkwardly. For once, I just wanted her to leave.

Alice got up and walked slowly to me. "You do smell nice," she whispered into my ear, sending chills down my spine. Her familiar cold hands held my face gently as she brought me into a kiss.

She tasted sweet, like an apple just picked from the tree. The taste was vaguely familiar, but it hadn't been on her lips before. I wanted more of it.

Alice broke the kiss. "Bed, now," she murmured her voice husky. I obeyed all too willingly, laying down and pulling her towards me to continue our kiss.

Her hands wandered my body, finally going up my shirt. They didn't go too far, but they did caress my stomach to the point I was biting my lip to keep from moaning.

I realized what I had tasted on Alice's lips when I cut through my lip. I had tasted blood.


	9. sleeping sun

**A/N and Disclaimer**: I do not own Alice, Bella, or any of Stephanie Meyer's creations... Izzy is my own character created in the depths of my mind. Gothic Sanctuary is a song by Nightwish, a very kick-ass band. You should listen to them. All chapter titles are titles of the band Nightwish's songs. Again, listen to them. Oh, this is where things start getting "M" rated, so don't read it if you don't want to read f/f.

* * *

_**Recap: "You do smell nice," she whispered into my ear, sending chills down my spine. Her familiar cold hands held my face gently as she brought me into a kiss.**_

_**She tasted sweet, like an apple just picked from the tree. The taste was vaguely familiar, but it hadn't been on her lips before. I wanted more of it.**_

_**Alice broke the kiss. "Bed, now," she murmured her voice husky. I obeyed all too willingly, laying down and pulling her towards me to continue our kiss.**_

_**Her hands wandered my body, finally going up my shirt. They didn't go too far, but they did caress my stomach to the point I was biting my lip to keep from moaning. **_

_**I realized what I had tasted on Alice's lips when I cut through my lip. I had tasted blood.**_

**Chapter eight**: _-sleeping sun-_

Alice jumped off me, my blood smeared across her face from the kiss.

"Izzy," she said her voice low and distant. "Please tell me you aren't bleeding."

She was staring at me with eyes wide in fear. Somehow, I didn't think it was fear of the blood, but more of the fact that my lip was bleeding.

"Fine. I'm not bleeding," I said, though we both knew I was bleeding. "But really, I am. Alice, I am bleeding. I have blood that comes out when I get my skin sliced open, just like everyone else."

Alice backed up to the door, fumbling with the handle. "I have to go. I'll swing by later, Izzy," she muttered, rushing out. I hadn't thought it was humanly possible to move that fast.

_**She doesn't want to do anything with you because you're fat. And ugly. And pitiful. And you have big feet.**_

_Don't you have anything better to do than to bug the fuck out of me?_

_**Only if you think I live inside other people's heads. I'm all yours babe.**_

I started crying. _You fucker. I wish you weren't there!_

_**If wishes were kisses, you'd be a bigger whore than you are now.**_

I shut and locked the door, collapsing onto the floor and leaning against it.

_I want to be alone! Can't you see that?_

_**But I'm the manifestation of all your insecurities. Right now, you're feeling insecure. Very much so. Little Alice left you. She won't come back. She was just using you, just like everyone else does.**_

I shook my head. "It's not true," I stammered, my voice so quiet I could barely hear myself. "It's not true!"

_**Already forgotten about Travis, have we? He all but raped you and you let him get away with it! You said you wanted it! You little sick fuck. Enjoying the pain of sex. That's why you only choose those you realize are conceited enough to believe they are gods in bed. Alice probably is though, but you enjoy thinking she's a Dom. What if she isn't?**_

_I love her! And she loves me! That's all that matters!_

I hugged my knees like I had that first day I met Alice. My eyes were streaming and I was pretty sure my nose was running.

_**Then why did she leave? Why didn't she stay with you?**_

_She's probably afraid of blood, is all. _

_**Is she afraid of blood, or afraid of getting attached to you?**_

I got up and stumbled to my bed where my bag was. I dug through it for my headphones and put them on full blast before putting them in my ears. Halestorm played "I'm not an Angel" over anything that might have been said inside my head.

A few hours and several Halestorm, Tatu, Nightwish (for some odd reason a Britney Spears) songs later… as I was singing softly along with Iris, a very famous Romanian rock band, Bella knocked on the door.

"Izzy, are you okay? You've been in there for hours," she called out. I heard her fiddling with the knob, trying to get in.

_Fuck, if only I hadn't turned down the music because of my headache._

"I'm fine," I said weakly, still lying on my bed, unwilling to move. I was worn out and didn't want to deal with anyone.

I heard a click and the door opened. Charlie and Bella stood there with medication in hand.

"Gotta take the meds, Izzy," the Chief said. "Doctor's orders."

I sighed, but reached out my hand to take them from Bella. She stepped carefully into my room before dropping three pills into my open palm. I lifted my hand to make it seem as though I was taking them, but really I just slid them down my tank after I pretended to wipe my mouth.

I drank the water Bella gave me and stared at the alarm clock I had. It was only eleven in the morning. I still had several hours left of the day before the bonfire.

"Izzy, can I talk to you? I want to ask you something," Bella said.

Charlie backed away from the door. "Have fun with your girl talk. Catch you later."

I laughed. The Chief was always funny when it came to heart to hearts.

"Seriously, Izzy, I want to talk to you. It's important," she insisted. I nodded but left in my headphones. I didn't want to hear her entirely.

"I just want to make sure you know what you're getting into. Has Alice told you yet?" Bella was toying with my pillow, something I hated with a passion.

"She's said things," I responded, sitting up and hoping my pills would drop and stay inside the shelf of my tank top. They did.

_**She ran away from you, if you don't recall.**_

"Did she tell you about their family secret?"

"Did I tell you I've been here a week and I don't pry into other people's lives like some people I know?" I knew I sounded harsh, but at that point I didn't really care. "She said she would tell me everything tonight, Bella. Can't you just let me be for once? I appreciate you caring about me, but I'm a big girl. I know how to take care of myself."

Bella looked hurt, and immediately I felt bad.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I've just had a really rough day," I said, my voice soft as I got up from my bed and walked to the door. "I'm going for a walk, I'll see ya later."

"Izzy, wait!" Bella got up and tripped over herself to get to me. "You shouldn't be alone!"

"I'm allowed to be. I'm almost eighteen," I said, lithely leaving to go outside. Bella was too klutzy to follow and I disappeared without Charlie seeing me. I sighed in relief as I got outside.

Evanescence played in my ears as I turned the volume back up on my mp3. I walked around the woods behind the house, waiting for the day to end.

I saw one of the Cullens sitting on a fallen log about two or three miles into the woods. It was the one that always looked like he was constipated or something.

_**It's Jasper, you twit.**_

"Hey," I said loudly, hoping not to frighten him. He didn't look up from the ground he was staring at intently. There seemed to be a footprint in the mud, but I didn't bother asking why. There were a lot of crazy people in Forks.

"Jasper, isn't it? I'm Izzy. I think I'm dating your sister, Alice." I walked up to him, sitting down on the other end of the log. "What are you doing?"

"Hello, Izzy. I'm wondering what you are doing out in the middle of the woods. Surely Alice told you not to wander off," he said softly, looking up to stare at me. He still looked constipated.

I looked at Jasper, confused. "I didn't wander off. I'm exploring the area around my house," I replied. "Alice isn't telling me anything until the bonfire tonight. Why are you out here?"

Jasper shrugged, seeming to gain interest in me. "You're as different as she said you were. Why are you out here in your pajamas?"

I looked down at myself and laughed. "Oh, yeah, I guess I didn't change before I left, huh? Well, that's what I get for leaving when I was angry," I said, smiling at Jasper. "If you don't mind my asking, are you really gay?"

Jasper smiled at me and nodded. His constipated look was fading away. "Yes, I am. I'm also not really interested in dating right now. I haven't met that special someone," he commented, tilting his head at me. "How does that make you feel?"

I shrugged. "It's cool, I guess. I mean, I can't exactly have an issue with you when I feel the way about your sister," I responded distantly, trying not to remember what happened the last time I saw Alice. "Is she mad at me?"

"How do you feel about my sister? And no, she isn't mad at you. She was caught in an awkward situation, is all," Jasper said, his smile seeming to grow wider.

"Well, umm… I love her, Jasper. I don't know what to do about it either," I said, laying down on the log and resting my head near Jasper. "I mean, it's confusing. I'm not use to liking people. And by the way, you are very easy to talk to." He was. I felt as though he were an old friend I was just catching up with.

"Izzy, she loves you too. A lot. And you are very special, she can tell. That's why she loves you. She holds you dear in her heart." Jasper tweaked my nose and I laughed.

"My mom used to do that. Tell me I'm special and then tweak my nose. I can't remember her too well. I don't even have a picture of her," I said, apathy taking over before I cried again.

Jasper stroked my hair, just like all the gay guys I knew did.

_**Prejudice prude.**_

"You're special, Izzy. Trust me on that," Jasper whispered. I curled up against him, wondering how I could trust him so completely. It was probably because he smelled like Alice.

"Thanks, Jasper. You're awesome." I sat up and shook myself off. "I suppose I should get back and start getting ready for the bonfire. Is Alice going to pick me up, do you know?"

Jasper shook his head. "Alice is spending the rest of the day getting ready, you know how she is." I laughed. "But Rosalie has agreed to help you pick out clothes and bring you over. Bella probably already left with Edward."

I looked at the sky, my sunglasses not helping my sense of time and direction. "Yeah, Alice loves her clothes. But I think I'm lost. Help me back?"

"Yeah, sure. Here, hop on my back," Jasper offered, kneeling in front of me. "I'll carry you. It'll be easier for us both."

I hesitated, but climbed on, holding tightly to his shoulders. He was every bit as cold and as hard as Alice.

"Hang on tight, Izzy. And call me Jazz. It's what Alice does," he said, getting up and jogging through the forest. I was surprised at how strong he was.

"Okay, Jazz. So tell me, honestly, what you think about me and your sister." I rested my head on his shoulders, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Well, I like that she met someone she relates to and loves. And I'm glad it's you. You're going to make our lives interesting. I can tell," Jasper said, hopping over a small stream that had gotten me on my hike.

"You're a nice friend, Jazz. I hope we can hang out more often," I whispered, being lulled into sleep by the steadiness of the ride.

Jasper said something else, but I didn't catch it. I was too far gone in my dream.

_I was back on the cliff. A beautiful woman with long black hair was staring at me, her eyes red as the blood slipping down my wrists._

"_I'm here, Victoria. I'm here. Take me," I said, holding out my arms in an offering. _

_The woman took a step towards me before I leapt backwards, falling towards the tempest ocean waiting to devour me whole. _


	10. last of the wilds

**A/N and Disclaimer**: I do not own Alice, Bella, or any of Stephanie Meyer's creations... Izzy is my own character created in the depths of my mind. Gothic Sanctuary is a song by Nightwish, a very kick-ass band. You should listen to them. All chapter titles are titles of the band Nightwish's songs. Again, listen to them. Oh, this is where things start getting "M" rated, so don't read it if you don't want to read f/f. And I'm taking a short sabatical, but I'll be back in a few days. New chapter is promised to be up by thursday.

* * *

_**Recap: "You're a nice friend, Jazz. I hope we can hang out more often," I whispered, being lulled into sleep by the steadiness of the ride.**_

_**Jasper said something else, but I didn't catch it. I was too far gone in my dream.**_

**I was back on the cliff. A beautiful woman with long black hair was staring at me, her eyes red as the blood slipping down my wrists.**

"**I'm here, Victoria. I'm here. Take me," I said, holding out my arms in an offering. **

**The woman took a step towards me before I leapt backwards, falling towards the tempest ocean waiting to devour me whole.**

**Chapter nine:** _-last of the wilds-_

I woke up right as Jasper was setting me down on the grass in the backyard.

"Nice to see you up," Jazz said. I rubbed my eyes, yawning and stretching out.

"Long day, Jazz. Long day," I muttered, sleep heavy in my voice.

"Rose should be here any moment. Alice told her to play nice." Jasper yanked me to my feet, the rush jolting me awake.

"Wait, she normally doesn't play nice, then?" I was only asking because I was still out of it. Otherwise I would have insisted that I could manage to get ready by myself.

Jasper shrugged and went "Eh. You'll see what I mean when she gets here, which is about now, actually," he said, an engine softly purring into the driveway in the front.

I sighed and went to greet Rosalie. She was driving some sort of red car that was imposing. It didn't have that same familiar feel as Alice's did.

The very beautiful and intimidating Rosalie Cullen got out of her car with grace and style. Her hair blew gently in the wind, giving her glare an extra flare of hatred.

"Let's get this over with," she said, walking past me, shaking those hips of hers. "I agreed to do this because Alice begged me. I'm not here because I want to be."

I grimaced at Jasper who laughed.

"Better get going, Izzy. Rose doesn't wait for anyone," he offered as a supposed piece of helpful advice. "I'll see you at the bonfire tonight."

I waved good-bye as I hurried into the house. Charlie had apparently left when I was gone and Bella waved bye as she hurried out the door.

"Sanda, get up here! I'm not going to wait forever," Rosalie yelled from somewhere on the second level. I purposely dallied, laughing with the voice in my head.

Rosalie yanked me up the stairs after about ten minutes of me pretending to drink a glass of apple juice.

"I said I wasn't going to wait," she growled. I was genuinely glad to be around her. She was an interesting addition to my new life.

"I'm sorry. I got thirsty," I said, grinning from ear to ear. "I didn't think I was taking that long."

"You did, now sit," Rosalie said, pushing me onto my bed. "You are going to wear something nice because apparently this is going to be a big deal for all of us. Where are your clothes?"

I pointed to the bags that I hadn't bothered unpacking since the shopping trip a few days prior. I didn't know when I was going to get to it, but I knew it wasn't going to be for a while. Most of the clothes Alice bought I hadn't planned on wearing.

Rosalie seemed to know this because she managed to find the one dress I would rather kill myself than wear. It was black and strapless, with lots of frills and chills. It was very sexy, but it looked like a tutu and was short, much shorter than I preferred. And it had a huge black bow on the front, right between the breasts.

"I'm not wearing that," I said blatantly as she found a black strapless bra. "Nor am I wearing that. I can choose my own clothes."

Rosalie glared at me. "Alice told me what you are wearing. I told her that I'd help you get ready. You are going to wear the clothes whether or not you want to."

I smiled. "I'd like to see you make me."

_**Wrong thing to say, chica.**_

Rosalie had jumped on me, literally tearing my shirt off so she could get my bra on. It would have been very sexy if it had been Alice. With Rosalie it was just plain frightening.

"You can either do the rest yourself or I'll do it," she said in a matter-of-fact voice, a smile on her face.

"Get off me," I grunted, trying to push her off. The shock had worn off and I was blushing from the awkwardness of it all.

She shook her head. "No, not until you tell me you're going to dress yourself," she whispered into my ear. I started panicking, not entirely sure what she wanted but at the same time, I knew it couldn't be good.

"I-I'll… BUBBLEGUM!!" I screamed although I knew there was no one to hear me and I knew Rosalie wouldn't know about my safe word.

She laughed. "That's not telling me anything," Rosalie murmured, taking the chance to take off my pants.

_**She's worse than Alice, this one.**_

I couldn't think straight. My breathing was shallow and rapid and I didn't know what to do.

"Bubblegum, bubblegum, bubblegum," I repeated, closing my eyes and saying my safe word over and over and over again, hoping that I'd be understood eventually.

"Oh, shut up, Sanda. I was only playing with you," Rosalie sighed, pulling me up and sticking the dress over my head. "Put on the fishnet tights and those combat boots you have. Alice loves that."

She zipped me up as I slipped on the tights and boots. I tried not to dwell on the bed situation.

Rosalie looked at me. "Hair and make-up," she muttered, digging through my bag for my beauty products.

"Hey! Why don't you just ask?" I said, yanking it away from her. She glared at me.

"Fine. May I do your make-up? Yes? Okay then," Rosalie replied, holding up my toiletry bag and grabbing my hand. "To the bathroom so I can do this right."

I groaned. Rosalie was torturing me. She pushed me towards the bathroom and I sullenly did what she wanted, if only because I didn't want a repeat of what happened in the bedroom.

I sat down on the toilet, crossing my legs and turning on the stereo I kept there. My Halestorm CD was in and "Dirty Work" was playing. I laughed at the pure coincidence of it.

"Make up, then hair, that's what Alice said," Rosalie muttered, applying my foundation. It had taken forever to find one that matched my pale olive complexion perfectly. Then she gently slid on my eye-shadow and my eyeliner. Mascara soon followed.

"Hair up in… spikes? Yeah, spikes." Rosalie seemed to be talking more to herself than me.

Soon enough, my hair was done and I was ready to go. Unfortunately, we still had about three hours before the bonfire started.

Alice called Rosalie on her cell phone. "Hey, Al. Yeah. No. Let me see," Rosalie said, looking at me. "Izzy, what do you want to eat? Alice says I have to take you out for dinner."

I shook my head. "I'm not hungry," I replied, standing up.

Rosalie relayed the message to Alice and then hung up. "Alice says you have to eat, so I'm to take you out to a restaurant of your choice and shove the food down your throat." The way she smiled at me I thought it would be better to just do what she said.

"Bella told me about this place called Muffin Mayhem in Port Angeles, if you don't mind driving there," I said softly, glaring at the phone.

Rosalie shook her head. "Of course not. It'll be my pleasure to get you food," she said, smiling at me even more.

It was very frightening and it stayed there, frozen on her face all the way to Port Angeles.

I had brought a small purse that had a toothbrush with toothpaste, a few band-aids, and a small can of mace I had stolen from beneath Bella's bed. I didn't know when I would need it but I hated being unprepared.

I gave Rosalie directions that I had printed off MapQuest. We would go left, left, right, and we would reach the restaurant. I hadn't been there, but the buzz was that it was good and served vegetarian dishes.

Rosalie pulled over about a block from Muffin Mayhem. "Okay, Sanda, let's get this straight. I don't like you. I don't like Bella either, but for some odd reason fate keeps dragging you two into my life," she glared at me.

"You don't have to like me, Rosalie. I'm not here for you to like me. If you did like me it would make life easier, but since you don't, I'm not going to try," I returned her glare. "Whether or not you or anyone else wants it, I like Alice. I like her a lot and I want to be with her."

I felt a twinge in my stomach that probably indicated that I was inching closer to the inevitable death I had been waiting for since the car crash. I was a heavy drinker and drug addict before I got to the Chief's house and there were plenty of overdoses in the time I was doing that. I had sobered up, but the aftermath of such idiocy was going to haunt me for the rest of my life, which wasn't going to be long.

To my surprise, Rosalie laughed. "I like that, Izzy," she said, getting out. It was the first time she had called me by my nickname. "You have the galls to stick up for what you believe in and you don't take shit from anyone. I can appreciate that."

I smiled as I shut the door and hurried to catch up to her. We walked step in step, equals for all purposes of the word.


	11. live to tell the tale

**A/N and Disclaimer**: I do not own Alice, Bella, or any of Stephanie Meyer's creations... Izzy is my own character created in the depths of my mind. Gothic Sanctuary is a song by Nightwish, a very kick-ass band. You should listen to them. All chapter titles are titles of the band Nightwish's songs. Again, listen to them. Oh, this is where things start getting "M" rated, so don't read it if you don't want to read f/f.

* * *

_**Recap: "You don't have to like me, Rosalie. I'm not here for you to like me. If you did like me it would make life easier, but since you don't, I'm not going to try," I returned her glare. "Whether or not you or anyone else likes it, I like Alice. I like her a lot and I want to be with her."**_

_**I felt a twinge in my stomach that probably indicated that I was inching closer to the inevitable death I had been waiting for since the car crash. I was a heavy drinker and drug addict before I got to the Chief's house and there were plenty of overdoses in the time I was doing that. I had sobered up, but the aftermath of such idiocy was going to haunt me for the rest of my life, which wasn't going to be long.**_

_**To my surprise, Rosalie laughed. "I like that, Izzy," she said, getting out. It was the first time she had called me by my nickname. "You have the gall to stick up for what you believe in and you don't take shit from anyone. I can appreciate that."**_

_**I smiled as I shut the door and hurried to catch up with her. We walked step-in-step, equals, for all purposes of the word.**_

**Chapter Ten:**_ -live to tell the tale-_

As we approached Muffin Mayhem, a small voice echoed in my head.

**Don't eat anything.**

It wasn't the normal voice that haunted my every waking moment, which is why I decided to ignore it.

I opened the door to the restaurant for Rosalie, bowing my head and muttering "după voi." It was Romanian for 'after you'. It was a small but significant sign of respect from me, especially since I hardly ever spoke my native tongue.

The inside of the restaurant was something I had never seen before, and I prayed to the gods that I would never have to see them again.

The tables were giant muffins but the seats were like hammocks, hanging from thick steel poles bolted into the ground. The waiters and waitresses were all dressed in black boots and black pirate hats. It was filled to the brim with Goth and Punk teenagers.

When we were given our menus and led to our seats, the waiter recited whatever the specials were. I simply smiled and nodded, looking through the vegan menu. There was absolutely no meat, which was something I enjoyed.

Rosalie ordered a Mountain Dew and a small order of their Boca chik'n nuggets. I copied her, thinking it sounded good at the time.

"So, Sanda, why do you like my sister so much," Rosalie asked as soon as the waiter left.

I shrugged. "Something about her drives me in. It's like I can't help but iubrire her, ya know? I love her," I said, Romanian slipping out of me in my frustration at trying to get how I feel out in the open. The whole situation with Alice was frustrating.

"I see," Rosalie muttered, simply nodding at the waiter whose name I didn't care to learn. He had come to drop off our drinks and then slunk away.

_**Something about Rosalie scares him,**_ the cynical voice I knew and hated said.

I snorted into my drink, causing Rosalie to raise an eyebrow. "Sorry, Rosalie. Just thought of something funny," I said, smiling to myself.

Rosalie started talking to me, but I was preoccupied by the conversation I was holding with myself.

_Rosalie scary? Intimidating, sure, but she isn't scary._

_**Oh, come on. You know there is something weird with the Cullens.**_

_There's nothing wrong with the Cullens. You're just xenophobic._

"Sanda, have you heard a single word I've said," Rosalie demanded, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Hmm?" I replied, looking up just as the waiter was dropping off our food. I picked mindlessly at the nuggets, not planning to eat them in any which way.

Rosalie sighed and stabbed at her food. "I was saying that the bonfire tonight is a big deal for Alice. That's why you're dressed nicely. So you don't completely look like a fool," she said.

I glared at Rosalie, although I knew it was true. I didn't dress for success. I dressed how I felt.

I shrugged. "Alice seems to like clothes and fashion. I'm more of an intellect myself. You know, algorithms and biorhythms rather than Gucci and Abercrombie and Fitch."

Rosalie nodded offhandedly. I noticed she wasn't eating either.

_Come to think of it, I never see any of the Cullens eat_, I thought.

I stared hard at Rosalie's plate. Her food was smashed up and cut up to make it seem as though she actually ate. It was a ploy I used often, too.

"Eat," Rosalie demanded, pointing with her fork. I sighed and stuffed a nugget into my mouth. It tasted like chalk.

I swallowed forcefully. Then something started coming back up. "I'll be right back," I choked, grabbing my bag as I rushed to the bathroom.

There are many things a person shouldn't see, and a public restroom while you're throwing up isn't one of them.

I retched violently into the dirty toilet, my vomit colored by both the nugget and blood, making a rather disgusting mural that floated.

**Told you so**, the small voice said smugly.

I groaned and tried to settle my still-heaving stomach.

"Hey, you okay?" Rosalie called into the bathroom. "Sanda?"

She walked up to my stall and opened the door. I cursed myself for not locking it.

Rosalie flushed the toilet for me with a disgusted look on her face. "God, can't you keep it down?" she asked, plugging her nose and looking me over. "You seem fine, let's go. It's getting late and now I have to clean you up again."

I glared at her the best I could. _What is it with these damned Cullens thinking I need them?_

I stood up shakily, got my toothbrush and toothpaste out of my purse, and gave my mouth a quick scrub to get rid of the taste.

"Okay, let's go," I said. I spit into the toilet and flushed it; taking my leave of the nasty stall in the nastiest bathroom I had ever had the misfortune of entering.

I led the way out of Muffin Mayhem, letting Rosalie pay the bill and leave the tip. I was pissed and sick and I just wanted to go home, not to some stupid bonfire to see people I would rather let wolves get to at this point.

I wasn't getting the answers that I wanted to have. Alice was talking to me through Rosalie, the bitch from hell, and I had no idea what was going on with my own body.

_**Maybe you're just bipolar, too**_, sneered the voice that was so cynical all the fucking time.

I had left Rosalie far behind in the restaurant. I wasn't sure where I was going and I was getting lost. Soon, I took a wrong turn and found myself in a dead-end alleyway.

"Fuck," I cursed, turning around to get out. As I did so, I suddenly felt as though I were in a poorly written novel or a typical clichéd teen movie, for there were a bunch of idiots thinking they had it all when, in reality, they had nothing. Not even a second brain cell to keep the first company.

They came closer, snickering and sneering at me. "Hey, pretty mama, what you doing out here so late?" "Hola chica!" "You looking for some action?" "Say, man, you think she shaved or what?"

The catcalls were expected. As I got a better look at them, a lot seemed Hispanic, probably nobody thugs who thought it was tougher to talk with an accent even though they were native to the states.

"Get out of my way, or I swear, none of you will make it out alive," I snarled, my own accent heavy.

The back part of my head was heavy, something that only happened when I was teetering towards a mental breakdown, which always started with irrational anger, violence, increased inner-voice volume, and illogical actions.

I was on the irrational anger and violence stage.

_**Kick their fucking asses! Or better yet! Kill yourself! That way we can get it over with. Fucking pussy.**_

I took up an offensive stance that I learned in Tae Kwan Do when my parents were still alive.

"No way, chica," said the one that was obviously the leader. "We wanna have some fun, and you seem to be looking for it, si?"

I growled. "Last chance, fucker," I warned, breathing in.

He shook his head and laughed, the others following his lead. I smiled in response, glad to have an opportunity to severely hurt someone.

I breathed out, rushing out and kicking the leader in the head, punching another in the chest and breaking another one's nose. However, since there were, like, six or seven of them at this point, I was overwhelmed by the sheer number.

"Hey, puta! You gonna get it now!" The leader yelled it in my face while three of his lackeys held me still. One on each arm and one holding my legs still, while their boss yanked my hair, pulling my head back. I had no way of getting free.

"Bite me, cock sucker," I said, spitting in his face even though I knew it was a bad idea. I refused to let myself seem weak in front of him.

He slapped me. "Bitch!"

I struggled, forcing my head to the side even though it hurt like a mother-fucker and I bit him.

_**You drew blood**_. The voice was astonished.

This time he punched me in the stomach. "Hijo de puta!"

I doubled over, gasping for breath. "Dracu," I swore, resorting to my native tongue. I stayed still, letting my body sag.

I had given up hope, but not my anger.

_There is no fucking way I'm going to get out of this._


	12. wish I had an angel

**A/N and Disclaimer**: I do not own Alice, Bella, or any of Stephanie Meyer's creations... Izzy is my own character created in the depths of my mind. Gothic Sanctuary is a song by Nightwish, a very kick-ass band. You should listen to them. All chapter titles are titles of the band Nightwish's songs. Again, listen to them. Oh, this is where things start getting "M" rated, so don't read it if you don't want to read f/f. And yes, I had to add an alley scene with assholes. It just happened. (Slight sex scene at the end)

* * *

_**Recap: This time he punched me in the stomach. "Hijo de puta!"**_

_**I doubled over, gasping for breath. "Dracu," I swore, resorting to my native tongue. I stayed still, letting my body sag.**_

_**I had given up hope, but not my anger. **_

**There is no fucking way I'm going to get out of this.**

**Chapter eleven**: _-Wish I had an angel--_

"Hey, Rico, we gonna screw this bitch," called out one of the disciples. There were cheers and jeers in correlation with it, but Rico, who apparently was the one in charge, held up his hand and silenced them.

"No, I'm gonna fuck her. You putas are gonna keep watch, si?" He grabbed my hair and pulled my head back again. Then he kissed me, roughly and harshly, my teeth scraping the inside of my mouth.

The dumb ass holding my legs made the mistake of letting go, muttering, "I got to take a piss, man."

I snapped my leg forward, taking a move from Resident Evil: Extinction. My foot connected with Rico's balls, making him clutch them. I kicked backwards, hitting the shin of whoever had my right arm.

Someone whistled from the alley way entrance. While everyone turned their head to see why, I took advantage of it and managed to get away from my captors. I wasted a split second to see Alice grinning at me.

"Hey, Izzy. Thought you could use some help," she called to me. She started walking towards me, knocking the heads of two thugs together. They were knocked unconscious.

It was then that I remembered my mace. I elbowed one of the boys in the gut and dug the mace out of my purse, spraying everyone in the face. It was somehow very satisfying.

"So, you completely ignore me all day, with the exception of sending your sister to bother me, and then you suddenly show up as my knight in shining armor and expect me to just be okay with that?" I asked, the gang of kids running and leaving behind their fallen comrade.

I turned to face Alice, who just shrugged.

"Something came up, Iz. Sorry," she said, running her cool hands over my face and body, scoping out the damage. I pushed her away.

"What the hell? You ran off on me this morning! How am I supposed to take that?" I said, gritting my teeth in anger.

To my great annoyance, she just shrugged again. I started to stalk off. I wasn't in the mood for her and her secrecy and blowing me off.

"Izzy, don't go," she pouted, grabbing my hand gently.

I sighed. "I just want answers. Like how did you know I was here? Why did you run this morning? Alice, I need answers, okay?" I was confused and lost and I didn't know what was going on at all.

"I'll tell you at the bonfire. I'll drive," Alice said, leading me away. I tugged my hand away from her.

"No, you will tell me now," I demanded, taking a very sturdy stance in case she decided to drag me to her car.

She glared at me. "Later, Izzy. Now is not the time," she said, grabbing my hand again.

"No, Alice, NOW!" I yelled, pulling my hand away from her.

She came with it, pushing me against the alley wall.

"I said later, Izzy," Alice growled, her onyx eyes glowering at me. She had me pinned, something that was normally a huge turn-on.

It didn't disappoint and suddenly I was in the sub role I had been in when I was at my last home.

_**So many**__**things happened there**_, the voice reminisced.

"Sorry, mistress," I mumbled, wondering if Alice knew what she was doing. I didn't like being a submissive. It was humiliating and it made me feel cheap.

Alice's eyes softened and she let me go. "Don't call me Mistress. I'm not your mistress…yet," she added the last part so quietly I almost didn't hear her.

"Let's go, Izzy. Rosalie is already heading back, k?"

I nodded, my episode's last stage starting to kick in. I ignored it, choosing to instead follow Alice dutifully to her car parked just outside the alley.

We were driving for about five seconds when I broke down. Tears were streaming down my face and I was apologizing fervently for the stupidest things. Alice was kind enough to pull over onto the shoulder.

"Shh, Izzy, it's okay. I forgive you, okay? It's okay," she murmured, unbuckling me so she could hold me still.

I started apologizing for leaving tear stains on her very nice silk shirt. I wasn't having fun.

"Izzy, it's okay, trust me. I will probably never wear this again, anyway," she whispered, rubbing my back and smiling at me. "Let's go get you cleaned up, k? You can do that at my house."

Suddenly, Alice's smile worried me. "What are you thinking?" I asked, hiccupping and wiping my eyes. I probably looked like shit.

Her grin had a hint of mischief in it. "You'll see," she said.

I buckled myself up as she started driving again, hoping she didn't mean sex. I wasn't sure I was ready.

_**You're always ready, admit it. Whore!**_

_If I'm a whore, then fuck! What does that make you?_

We spent the rest of the drive in silence, Alice still grinning and I still looking at her worriedly. I was getting frightened by it.

Alice's cell phone rang suddenly just as we were pulling into the Cullens' garage. There were some very expensive looking cars, and a couple of expensive bikes. I wanted to take those out for a spin.

"Hey, Bella," Alice said cheerfully. I wanted to giggle. It was funny how she could just change her mood.

She still had an evil glint in her eyes.

"Oh, yes, we'll be a bit late. Get it started. Oh, we just ran into some trouble. We're fine. Yes, Izzy is okay, too. We need to change into something a bit more comfortable. No, Bella, she's fine. Talk to Rose about it, k? I gotta go, talk to you later." Alice hung up, then looked at me.

"Ready to get cleaned up?" Alice's grin reappeared on her face and I gulped, locking my door as soon as she got out.

She laughed. "I have the key, Izzy. Remember, it's my car," she said, her eyes laughing as she opened my door. I spilled out.

"You just like playing dress up, admit it, Alice," I grumbled.

She led me into her house. It was very big, bigger than I remembered. There was even a very old wooden cross on the wall.

"Oh, and I want to tell you something very important," Alice whispered into my ear. "But it will have to wait until later. Come on."

She pulled me up the stairs, across a vast corridor, and into what seemed to be her bedroom. There was a huge bed, king-sized, in the middle of the room. There were also handcuffs and ropes attached to it.

I looked at Alice. She just smiled and waved me into her bathroom, which was also very big.

"I kind of feel like I'm lost in a meadow," I said softly, my voice carrying an echo across the house.

I turned to look at Alice again, but she had already started to take her clothes off. She glanced up at me.

"You too, Izzy. We need to get clean and it will be faster and easier if we shower together," she said, completely nude by the time she finished talking. She put her clothes in a hamper and unzipped my dress.

"Wait, what?" I didn't want to get undressed, but as soon as I started zipping my dress back up, Alice slapped my hands away. It stung.

"Don't. You will get undressed, understand," she demanded, unzipping my dress again and turning me around to face her.

I nodded, trying to swallow. She was being very Dom and I liked it very much. It was exciting.

_**You're such a sick fuck.**_

_Yes, but I can live with it._

My dress slid off me, falling into a pool under my boots. I bent over to get those off, too, but once again Alice knocked my hands away.

"I want to," she mumbled.

I stood there, a bit steamed that I couldn't undress myself. I knew if I tried, Alice would get mad. All Doms were like that.

My boots were slowly untied and pulled off. Next came my tights. Then Alice stood up and looked at me.

"Okay, so I take it you're familiar with the lifestyle, then?" she asked.

I nodded. I didn't know what kind of Dom she was, but I was a quick study for being a Sub.

_I guess that's what rape does to you_, I thought. The voice just laughed.

She smiled. "I knew you would be. We are too compatible," she said.

There was a certain flair to her voice that made me wonder what she meant.

Alice turned on the shower before turning on me again. I was still in my bra and knickers, although I didn't think I would be for too long. I was right.

"Take them off," she demanded. I quickly obliged. My nipples stood erect in the cold.

Alice walked around me in a circle. "Okay, what's your safe word?"

"Bubblegum." My answer was direct and swift.

"Bubblegum, what?" Alice asked, a playful tone in her voice as she gently swatted my butt.

"Bubblegum, Mistress?" I wasn't sure what she wanted me to call her.

Alice just smiled. "That's good enough." Then she kissed me and pulled me into the shower with her.


	13. ever dream

**A/N and Disclaimer**: I do not own Alice, Bella, or any of Stephanie Meyer's creations... Izzy is my own character created in the depths of my mind. Gothic Sanctuary is a song by Nightwish, a very kick-ass band. You should listen to them. All chapter titles are titles of the band Nightwish's songs. Again, listen to them. Oh, this is where things start getting "M" rated, so don't read it if you don't want to read f/f. (I skipped my editor this one so ya'll could get right into the story!)

* * *

_**Recap: **__**Alice walked around me in a circle. "Okay, what's your safe word?"**_

"_**Bubblegum." My answer was direct and swift.**_

"_**Bubblegum, what?" Alice asked, a playful tone in her voice as she gently swatted my butt.**_

"_**Bubblegum, Mistress?" I wasn't sure what she wanted me to call her. **_

_**Alice just smiled. "That's good enough." Then she kissed me and pulled me into the shower with her.**_

**Chapter twelve:** _-ever dream-_

The water was just the right temperature, slightly above the rest of the room but nearly hot enough to scald my skin. Not for the first time, I soon found myself slipping into subspace, the one state of mind I didn't care about anything and where everything was mute and fuzzy.

"Sanda," Alice whispered, my name rolling off her tongue simply yet it was so erotic I found myself wanting to moan.

My earlier doubts and wants disappeared. I wanted so badly to make Alice happy at that point, the small nagging voice in my head was warning me to be a sub, not a pathetic piece of shit.

A sub's role is to trust in their Dom completely, leaving no room for doubt or hesitation. The misconception that the BDSM lifestyle was only for sick fucks with no minds of their own is just that, a misconception. It's about trust and love. Giving control to someone else showed that you trusted them completely, that they didn't take advantage of that showed love.

Alice pulled me into a rather wet, yet inviting embrace. She smiled and my heart melted, and despite everything about clichés that I had fought against my entire life, I still wanted nothing more than to be her everything.

"Sanda," Alice repeated, pecking me on the lips. "We should really get clean."

With those last words, she picked up a shampoo bottle and dumped a huge dollop on my head. I cringed away from the cold penetrating my skull, but Alice's own cool hands massaged it into my hair. It was funny how I had come to crave her touch.

She tilted my head back and let the water rinse out the rich lather. She was very gentle in how she ran her fingers through my hair, loosening the knots.

I let out a soft moan of pleasure. It felt nice. Immediately, Alice withdrew and tweaked my nose.

"Silly, I didn't tell you to talk," she whispered. "But we aren't going to do anything hard core, just shower."

She handed me the conditioner and I put it in my hair while she washed and rinsed her own. Alice suddenly pushed me against the wall, kissing me wildly.

"But I said nothing about kissing."

Her black eyes scared me and she picked up a loofah, scrubbing down my body swiftly and almost harshly. "Okay, now go dry off with one of the towels on the counter and sit on my bed. I'll be there in a few minutes." She helped me out of the shower and handed me a towel. "Now hurry up."

I wrapped the towel around myself and went to sit on the bed, as I was previously instructed. The carpet was soft beneath my feet and I dried my hair before sitting down. The towel acted as seat warmer as I traced over my scar. Every contour of it was memorized, but I still couldn't help but try and recall my mother's face.

I had no pictures of her, very few memories. I was very young when my dad tried to kill us. He only succeeded with her. Sometimes I wished the crash had taken me too.

My bruises, almost completely gone, I prodded gently with my fingers. I had one in the perfect shape of a hand on my ass. I sighed, lost in my memories.

"Izzy, are you okay?" Alice walked out of the bathroom, completely dry and completely nude. She almost sparkled in the light.

The sound of her voice did nothing to bring me out of my stupor. If anything, I went further into my thoughts, delving into the mystery of what my mom looked like, _beautiful, dark hair, I have her eyes. I remember when she took me to viola lesions. I begged her for one and when I opened up that one for my birthday, I was so excited. There was that time at the recital I had played a solo, having finally perfected my vibrato. We were going to go have ice cream after, but Tati was angry. He said that we couldn't hide anymore. He swerved…_

I was vaguely aware of my body. I heard screaming.

_He went off the highway and Mami was trying to calm him down. She kept saying _Ele nu pot să ne găsească. Nu este în America. _I was confused. Who wanted us? Why couldn't they get to us in America?_

"Izzy! Izzy get up!"

_It was something I did, I knew it. I was scared and crying. Mami was comforting me and Tati. He was driving too fast. _

"Izzy!" Someone was trying to wake me up. I wasn't sleeping! I wanted to yell, but someone else was already shouting, still screaming.

_There was the semi. Tati punched it, going faster and faster. _Nu veti primi familia mea!

I jolted up, my breath quick and my mind racing. Alice was immediately at me, her cool hands caressing my face, staring into my eyes. She was the portrait child of concern.

"What happened? Izzy? Can you hear me?"

I groaned, my head pounding. "Yeah, I'm fine, Alice. I must have spaced out and fallen asleep or something." My throat was sore.

To my surprise, Alice glared at me frightfully. "Fallen asleep my ass! You were screaming bloody murder? What the hell does Nu veti primi familia mea mean?"

I shook my head. "You will not get my family. But I don't know why it matters… My head hurts."

I complained, looking at Alice with a pathetic look on my face. I was pouting.

Alice laughed lightly. "You're so cute, Izzy! Sometimes I just want to eat you up. In fact, I think I will some time." She gave me a look that clearly meant something sexual.

I smiled back at her, feeling as though I was about to have another breakdown.

_**There's something about love that people tend to forget… It fucks you up.**_

_That's just what I need… Being more fucked up._

"We need to get you dressed," Alice stated, pulling me gently to my feet from where I had fallen on the floor. I swayed, unsteady on my feet, my brain still pounding a steady beat against my temples.

I wanted to sleep, fall down, dream a never dream. My thoughts weren't right, I wasn't concentrating. Something was up.

"Izzy? Maybe we should get you to Carlisle." Alice's voice was distant, dreamy, far and away from me.

I shook my head. "I'm fine. What are you gonna make me wear?"

Alice smiled, uncertain and afraid. _Afraid for what?_

_Afraid for me._

I slipped a little further off the edge of a ravine from which I could not return. My vision was going black, my eyes felt as though they were sitting in syrup. It was like I was drunk, but my only drug was Alice.

"Izzy?"

Fuck, I was falling. Down, down, down… Farther than anyone person should be. The floor was meeting me again, the entire world spinning out of control because there was sobbing and screams and pleading and I didn't know what to do.

_Save me._

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A/N-Izzy seems like she's tripping, yes? I'm sorry it's taking me so long to get these new chapters up. I swear, the next ones will be better. (Heads up, next chapter is gonna be flashbacks CRUCIAL to plot! Yes, there will be sex, drugs, and a little rock and roll! Enjoy!)


	14. slaying the dreamer

**A/N and Disclaimer**: I do not own Alice, Bella, or any of Stephanie Meyer's creations... Izzy is my own character created in the depths of my mind. Gothic Sanctuary is a song by Nightwish, a very kick-ass band. You should listen to them. All chapter titles are titles of the band Nightwish's songs. Again, listen to them. Oh, this is where things start getting "M" rated, so don't read it if you don't want to read f/f. (Also has sex, drugs, and rock and roll! Yeah! Lol)

* * *

_**Recap: Alice smiled, uncertain and afraid. **_**Afraid for what?**

**Afraid for me.**

_**I slipped a little further off the edge of a ravine from which I could not return. My vision was going black, my eyes felt as though they were sitting in syrup. It was like I was drunk, but my only drug was Alice.**_

"**Izzy?"**

_**Fuck, I was falling. Down, down, down… Farther than any one person should be. The floor was meeting me again, the entire world spinning out of control because there was sobbing and screams and pleading and I didn't know what to do.**_

**Save me.**

**Chapter Thirteen: -**_**slaying the dreamer-**_

"Izzy, come here you slut! Where the fuck is my stash?" Travis was steaming mad at me. His eyes were wild, deep, dark, and needful.

I cowered beneath his glare, knowing that he had to have his shit, or I'd look like shit. His shit.

"I don't know," I whimpered, backing myself up into a corner. We were alone in the house again, with me watching the television for once. I never sat down; I always stood, not sure when I would be running for my life.

"Well you better fucking find out or get me more!"

He hit me, blood flooding my mouth from the reopened cut on my lip. It tasted sweet, delicious, but not like food. Food was shit.

_**You're high as fuck.**_

"High as a fucking bird," I muttered, crawling choppily away from him. If I attempted to walk, he would beat me more.

_Summer lovin' had me a blast. Summer lovin', happened so fast._

It was the middle of summer. Hot, sweltering Minnesota summer in the middle of a farm where no one could hear you scream or cry when you felt like dying and the one person your age wants to use you for sex and drugs and beats you for no reason.

I was nowhere and I was nothing. Sanda Istrati, seventeen year old Romanian orphan, didn't exist. I was only Izzy, Iz, slut, whore, bitch, cock-sucker, fake, fat-ass, crack-head, tweaker.

I went into Uncle Matthew's room, knowing he probably stole Travis's stash. Uncle Matthew and Aunt Carla, what a joke. They were the foster parents here, and they insisted on being called Aunt and Uncle, like they were family. To me, they were the fosters. The two people in the world who had the power to stop what Travis and his friends were doing to me, and they, themselves, abused me. Hence, my deep fascination with my little white and round friends. It was crazy.

_**Crazy? I was crazy once, they put me in a room, a round room, a round white room. With rats, round rats, white round rats. It made me crazy…**_

I found Travis's dope, crack, shoot, and various other things beneath the bed. I knew I'd find it, but none-the-less, I also knew that Travis would still 'punish' me.

"I found it, Master," I called out, gently handling his shit and carrying it to my room. He never hurt me in his, I wasn't even allowed in there. I knew where he expected me to be, sitting on the floor, Sub position.

_Little black dot, big white room, little black dot, big white room._

I placed his things in front of me, only bothering to fish yet another tab of acid out of my pocket and placing it under my tongue. It took me out of my body, my mind.

_**The sweet escape is always laced with a familiar taste of poison…**_

I was dying, the walls stained red with my blood, with my hope, dreams, hatred, hurt.

"I can't keep denying what you're always supplying. Give me what I deserve, a deep seeded hatred, darkness." I was talking to myself again. I always talked to myself. Sometimes, between the voice living in my head and the voices outside, it was the only one I thought was real.

The walls were talking to me when Travis walked in and kicked me over. I knew better than to tell him he was interrupting my conversation. Besides, the colors were confusing me and I was afraid of his boots, leering, hating.

"Everything is hate." I made the mistake of muttering my thoughts out loud. I was on a bad trip. He glared at me, kicking me hard in the stomach. I wretched, gasping for breath.

"Shut the fuck up, bitch! Did I say you could talk?!" He spat on me and I whimpered in response.

"Fucking cunt!"

He ripped off my shirt and my bra, literally ruining the clothes I had spent forever repairing from our last encounter. Travis was hatred and sorrow and I hated him but I loved him because he made me feel something when I felt nothing.

"Get on your knees!"

I didn't want to, it hurt and I could never figure out what he wanted until he was already doing it. Last time I was choking down my own underwear while he whipped me repeatedly. I was even tied to the bed.

_It isn't supposed to be like this, I'm supposed to be happy. I'm breaking, dying, lying to myself. Where did I go?_

I pushed myself to my knees, biting my lip to hide my pain, dull and thumping in my ears. My mouth tasted of my blood, red, full, tasting like love and hate _and hatred fills me when I can't find everything. Everything is hate._

"Did you take anything?"

I shake my head, nauseous, wondering why I'm obsessed with hatred. He hit me; Travis hit me again, sending me wheeling to the floor. I can feel myself shrink.

"Don't you fucking lie to me, bitch! What the fuck did you take?!'

He was angry. Why was he angry? He was always trying to get me high, tripping on something, anything so he can fuck me. I was his, always will be his, even with his name marked on my skin, in my heart, my soul, my mind. I belonged to Travis.

I shook my head again. I was kicked while I was down, bleeding and broken and nothing made sense, not even the leering combat boots that spiked at the edges and hurt when they connected with my body.

"Piece of shit! What the fuck did you take? I'm not asking again!"

I tried to tell him, but my tongue was thick and heavy and all I could do was mumble about his shoes. They glared at me all the more, sneering at my awful articulation. It wasn't fair that he was punishing me for doing what he was always asking, but it was what happened, and it happened to me.

He pushed me so I was on my back, yanking my skirt off. I was never allowed to wear jeans. He refused to let me wear them, and I was marked as his by wearing only what he said I could. The collar that choked me if I moved my head wrong was doing just that, choking me. There wasn't an escape.

"Slut, you took a tab, didn't you? You aren't allowed to have those without my permission!"

_I'm not allowed anything without your permission, Master. I'm only allowed to sit and rot and bake inside the oven of hell._

_**I'm on the highway to hell…**_

He picked me up and threw me on the bed. I was too tiny, but never small enough for him. I hit my head on the wall and saw stars. I knew it was going to happen though.

_How did I get like this? To expect nothing but pain and disappointment and hate? What the fuck is wrong with me?_

_**The same thing that's wrong with me. We have each other and that's okay! Cause one of these days you'll be on your way!**_

"If you're going to act like a slut than you're going to be treated like a slut," Travis hissed as he climbed onto the bed. He grabbed my wrists and tied them to the bed posts. They began to feel numb immediately and I knew he had once again tied them too tight.

"Master, the knots are too tight…" He didn't let me finish, opting to make the knots tighter instead of looser.

"What did I say about talking without permission, you dirty slut?!"

I whimpered, my moans of pain being mistaken for moans of pleasure. I didn't want to anger Travis anymore, so I kept quiet. It was always safer to stay quiet.

Travis leaned into my ear and whispered," they say they are going to send you away before long. They don't want you, just like all the other homes. Only I want you, only I need you. Why can't you love me back?"

I didn't know if he wanted me to answer, so I didn't. All I could think about was that I didn't love him, I didn't love anything. There was only Hate.

I bit my lip hard to keep from making any more sound as he entered me. Travis was huge, hard, and he always hurt when he fucked me. He made it hurt. He always hurt me, groped my breasts and pounded my pussy until I was so sore I couldn't move an inch without pain shooting through my body.


End file.
